There's a huge spectrum of Vandwellers on this subreddit, which is wonderful. This post may be of most interest to folks who want to stay connected and even work remotely! Most of us have seen the expensive >$100K pre-built van builds, but you can get that quality without the price tag. Here we will cover how to power everything from your laptop, signal booster, fridge, stovetop, and other devices using rooftop solar.
I compiled all our recommended items into this list, which is for a $5K setup. If you don't need to work remotely (power laptops all the time) and don't want a lot of cold food storage, the solar panels, battery size and fridge size could all be reduced, and the signal booster dropped, to achieve a ~$2K setup.
First, measure your roof and order solar panels that maximize your rooftop real estate. A cargo van such as a Sprinter, Promaster or Transit may be able to fit 4x 175W solar panels (700W total), especially if it is lwb (long wheel base). My wife and I used thin flexible solar panels which can be easily secured with 3M tape. We currently have 500W of solar which powers **both** of our laptops and everything else. I'm not an electrician, but in my experience solar gets about half of its rated wattage even on a sunny day, which means that 10 awg wires may be sufficient for 700W of solar (12awg would be too thin). Wiring your solar panels in parallel will keep the voltage around 12V.
Next, you'll need a controller, 12V battery and a sine wave inverter. You can keep it simple by getting an all-in-one unit like the Yeti 1500X. Otherwise you'll probably want a 30 or 40 amp controller, >800ah (>1000Wh) battery and a ~2000W pure sine wave inverter (pure sine wave is necessary to power an induction stovetop and other high-end electronics).
Finally, build out your kitchen! There are many options for 12V fridges. Our 63 quart fridge holds enough food for more than a week, and we eat any frozen items soon after they thaw so we don't need a freezer. Our induction stovetop is very energy efficient and can heat any magnetic pan/pot, such as cast iron. Other builds have microwaves or slow cookers.
Stay connected if you want to work remotely! With our WeBoost Drive Reach we've been able to find good cell signal in pretty much any National Park, National Forest, or BLM land we have visited. My wife has Verizion and I have ATT. We both upgraded to unlimited plans to cover any data we use for work (and for Reddit). We throw a hotspot from our phone to connect our laptops.
Air circulation: Covering your roof with solar may not leave room for a rooftop vent, but that's been fine for us. We are almost always out in nature (BLM and National Forest) so we keep our doors open on warm days and roll windows down partway at warm nights. We have a small fan to place near an open door or window if needed. A rainguard for our windows allows us to crack them in urban settings without worrying about someone reaching into the van. We also follow good weather, so we have never felt the need to get a rooftop vent.
Seek the sun: My wife and I are both working remotely and cooking every lunch and dinner off 500W of solar panels from Tucson, AZ. If we were in Portland or Seattle for the winter, we may have trouble when it rains for the whole week. We are saving our trip up the west coast for early summer.
Cooking: You can cook many things on a cast iron stove with practice! For example, when I cook a frozen thin crust pizza over low heat with a little water thrown in to create steam, it comes out with melted cheese and a toasted crust!
Home Office: I recommend a simple layout if, like us, you aren't a master carpenter. We have a queen size bed with Japanese style mattress and folding slats to access the 10 inches of storage underneath. This creates an open feel since the underbed storage reduces overhead cabinets. Our van is low profile; if we ever want to stand up we go on a walk. We convert our bed to an office space during our workday with: folding chairs, folding desks, and back/but support cushions. But to each their own!
Other posts and blogs cover DIY interior designs and discuss electrical setups in more detail, but I hope this is helpful for someone. We would have loved to have more of a roadmap for solar setups when we did our build and many of the above tips, such as needing a pure sine wave inverter for an inducstion stovetop, we learned the hard way. I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

[ First ] - [ Previous ] - [ Next ]
[ Read on RoyalRoad.com ]
​
~‌ ‌1.16 ‌-‌ You Get A Promotion! And You, And You ~‌
​
Noto’s Adventurers’ Guild
2nd Darkday of The Full Moon
The three players, Flea, Khorwin, and Martina, were informed of their promotion to rank Tin division one, skipping past any Copper divisions they still had. Niseph was given Tin upon joining, a perk of the Golden Chit.
“The Dryad hasn’t been allowed to rejoin the Adventurers’ Guild since our race lost in The Games eons ago. The Golden Chit has given me the ability to respawn and rank. You have no idea how much this means to my race and I; Flea, Khorwin, and Martina. This is our first step for the Dryad to have a chance to return to The Games.”
“I have heard NPC’s say ‘The Games’ multiple times now. What are these games, Niseph?” Martina asked.
“You are new to Mea. You newcomers will find out in time. I am not permitted to speak of them to you at this time.”
Fenix returned minutes later with their goods. Giving Niseph her magic bag, the Feline then handed each of them an ornate tin box. The receptionist requested their tags and left again to update them to their new ranks. Opening his box, Flea found a sizable purple cloth sack and a large purple, hexagon-shaped coin with a hole at its center. Opening the bag, Flea guessed it held around a hundred cores. Putting them in his magic bag confirmed it to be 100 Clear Cores.
Upon returning, Fenix handed each of them their brand new Tin tags. Finished, Fenix asked each of them to soulbind their new tags. Upon dropping his blood on the new greenish colored tags, a prompt asked the Gnome if he wished to change his rank. Accepting the prompt, a second informed the Gnome his Copper tags have been destroyed.
Martina held up the purple coin and asked Fenix about it. The receptionist informed the group it was a token given to adventurers upon reaching Tin rank. The token could be turned into any Adventurers’ Guild for their choice of available Skill Cores from their vault. This Skill Core would be the first most adventurers would be able to get their hands on.
Fenix continued to explain once they used their cores and leveled up, they should be over level 10, opening their first Mana Gate. Once they’ve achieved this feat, the three of them should return to the hall to turn in their tokens.
“Thank... Thank you!” Khorwin started hopping up and down, cheering.
Flea waited for Fenix to help Niseph soulbind her magic bag before speaking to the Feline.
“Could you explain to us what Mana Gates are, Fenix? I’ve been told some by Sveny, but would like to hear some more.”
“Sure, Flea. Mana Gates are pockets created by the mana channels within every living creature. When the body has developed to a certain degree, the channels expand and spread farther throughout the body. When these channels reach specific anatomic points, they develop a type of bubble or shell within that location. We call these spaces; Mana Gates. The body can then absorb a Skill Core and imprint that skill inside the bubble where the body then adapts to use that skill. I believe there are more to these Mana Gates, but most scholars could debate that for eons.”
“Thank you for that knowledge, Fenix.” Flea said.
“So guys. everyone back to their inns and level up?” Martina asked.
“Yep, leveling up and getting my first skill is on the top of my list,” Flea replied.
“Martina, thanks again for rushing to help us. I think the promotion chits were rewarded for surviving that Abomination and bringing the news back to town. I wouldn’t be surprised if this questline gets more interesting tomorrow and with even better rewards,” Khorwin said.
“I should thank you guys. I was farming ore for money. After today, I doubt I’m going to have much of that issue. I’ll see you guys back here tonight to organize our groups.”
“Alright, see you guys later tonight,” Flea said.
Minutes later, as Fenix was finishing up writing his report, he suddenly dropped his quill. Turning around to speak to the group again, he found them gone. Running out the doors and into the street, he found the group to be long gone. He cursed into the air and turned around. The Beastman flattened his ears as he walked back into the hall and spoke in a whisper.
“I’m so getting in trouble for this tomorrow.”
Flea and Niseph walked to The Drunken Ogre together after leaving the other two at the town square. Reaching the inn, they were greeted by a large group of people asking them questions. They tried to explain what was going on, answering their questions as best as they could.
Niseph was asked to cover her chest by a few women, to the men’s protests, causing her to get frustrated enough that she left Flea and stomped up to his room. Excusing himself, the Gnome followed her up and unlocked the door for her. The Dryad jumped onto the bed and poured a couple of marbles onto her hand.
“How do I use these?” Niseph asked, raising them in her hand.
“Hold one in the palm of your hand, and just crush them. It’s easy once you’ve done it once. Crush all of yours first, then choose the attributes you wish to level.”
“How do I see these attributes?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. After you’ve crushed them all, think or say ‘status.’”
“Thank you. I was born after the fall of the Dryads, so I’ve never been able to level, please excuse my lack of knowledge.”
“Don’t worry about it. You should lay on the bed before you level. You’re going to get knocked out as soon as you accept the changes.”
Niseph nodded and laid back onto the bed, taking out the cores one at a time and crushing them. Flea decided to do the same and sat next to the Dryad.
​
Absorbed 100 Clear Cores
Absorbed 21 Cloudy Cores
+ 2066 Energy
​
Holy shit, that’s an average of 19.4 Energy per Clear Core.
Pulling up his Status screen, Flea took a look at his current status.

Flea	Lv. 6	23.52
Gnome	Earth	0.68
Tin I		2132 Energy
6	Strength	➕ [84]
6	Constitution	➕ [70]
10	Dexterity
4	Intelligence	➕ [45]
4	Wisdom	➕ [50]
22	Magic Bag 🛈	➕ [75]​

Flea found he could only level his attributes to 10. This forced him to spend points on Wisdom and Intelligence. Maxing the four remaining attributes to 10 cost him 1603 Energy. He couldn’t put any more points into his attributes, so he decided to finish. Mentally accepting his choices, Flea heard Niseph let out a scream, startling him. Seconds later, Flea let out his own scream before the darkness of sleep took him.
Opening his eyes, Flea immediately noticed the stench in the room. It was by far the foulest thing he had ever remembered smelling. The Gnome immediately noticed he had difficulty moving his body and it felt like he was lying in something wet. Looking down at himself, then over at the still sleeping Nispeh, he could see a pitch-black, tar-like substance all over the both of them. The last thing he noticed was they were not alone in the room. Dross was standing over them, seemingly very pissed off.
“Who the hell ascends in a place of business? I had to close my damn inn down due to the stench. As soon as she awakes, both of you get down to the bathhouse and scrub yourselves like your lives depend on it. Leave all of your clothes and armor in the burlap bag inside the bathhouse. They’re going to be burned.”
“What? I just bought these! Their soul bound, can’t we just clean whatever this is off of them?”
“No can do. That smelly as hell shit was a part of you. So even if I killed you right here, you’d spawn with it still on your clothes. Didn’t the receptionist at the Adventurers’ Guild warn you two what would happen when you hit level 10?”
“No, they didn’t. The Guild just gave us our Tin ranked rewards, and we left.”
“Tin rank? How?! This island shouldn’t have anywhere near enough Tin quests to promote anyone before you lot leave for the mainland.”
“Flea explained everything again to Dross.”
“Damnit, I’ll forgive you for the loss of business. This is bad news, indeed. I must let my family know what’s going on. It looks like your Dryad is stirring. Take her down to the bathhouse now, please. I’ll burn the blanket and bedsheets with your clothes. I just hope it didn’t get into the mattress.”
“How will you break the soul bind on the armor?”
“We’ll take care of that after. You bathe now, please go already. It’s killing me slowly to just stand here. It’s even worse for my wife and child.”
With Niseph awake now, Flea explained what was going on. The Gnome had her follow him to the bathhouse. He found the burlap bag quickly enough and a bar of soap with it. Flea assumed it was to clean off whatever the black junk was on his body.
Cleaning himself took hours. For every part of his body, Flea had to scrub, scrape, then scrub some more. Once he was satisfied with the results, the Gnome sank into the bath and relaxed. He was rudely disturbed not long after by Dross, yelling for them to hurry up. Walking outside with a robe around himself, he found Dross, Niseph and an Elf he hadn’t met before.
“Flea, this is Elder Nyana. She will break the soulbinding on your armor for you. Please hand her the bag.”
“You’re the third stop for me today. Two other adventurers broke through as well. Elder Whoden is going to get a damn earful from a lot of people, I suspect. Not warning those close to ascending about the issues of such a feat.”
“Excuse me, Elder, but what changes? What was that black stuff we woke up in?”
“You both now have your Mortal Bodies. You can now absorb Energy through meditation and unlock your first Mana Gate, allowing you to absorb your first Skill Core. Normally adventures reach this point before being promoted to Tin, but with what’s going on around here, the fault may therein lie with the two Elders not informing you of what would happen to your bodies. As for the black substance you awoke with inside. Well, that was what your body expelled out. It was all of your impurities and any diseased body tissue,” The Elder explained.
The realism this game is going for is on such another level than anything before it.
Flea handed the bag over to the Elder. A moment later, he got a notification pop up in his vision.
​
Elder Nyana wishes to break the soulbinding on five items.
Do you give permission?
[Yes] [No]
​
Flea mentally selected yes before he could regret it. The Elder closed her eyes and concentrated. Moments later, the bag lit up like a light bulb.
“It is done.”
“Good,” Dross said as he took the bag and threw it on the bonfire he had behind the bathhouse.
Walking back to the group, Dross handed Flea a key.
“New room, first on the right, on the second floor. Your old room is going to take a while to get the smell fully out. I’ve already moved your things.”
“Thank you again, Dross.”
Getting into the new room, he found it more spacious, with a larger bed and a dresser against the sidewall. The room also had the same size desk and chair as the last room.
I think Dross has misunderstood some things.
[Congratulations are in order, Kyle. You three are the first players to achieve level 10. The news is already spreading amongst the other players. Your names have not been made public due to our privacy settings. I would suggest you and your friends do not make it known. Many players wish you three harm now.]
“Thank you, Bob. I will speak to them about it.”
“Who is Bob?” Niseph asked.
“Oh, I’m not sure how to explain. Bob’s from my world and lives in my head, like a type of magic helper.”
Niseph shook her head.
“Can we go visit Granny? We should also get you new armor, and maybe something to cover my chest up. If I’m to join your group, I should be less distracting to your kind.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll need to stop at the smith first to sell the ore from last night.”
After Flea changed into his starter clothes, they left the inn and headed over to the west side of town, stopping at Krom’s shop first. Flea offloaded his iron and silver ore to Krom, making over 11 silver for the lot. The Gnome and Dryad then headed over to Sveny’s shop, so Flea could buy another set of quill armor and something to cover up Niseph.
Entering the shop, they found a hive of activity. People were in almost every part of the place looking through the shop’s wares. There was already a line of people at the counter waiting for Sveny and his assistant to help them out.
It didn’t take long for the players to notice Niseph and start whistling and catcalling. All their attempts seem to breeze right past her, as if she hadn’t a care in the world. Getting in line, Flea told Nispeh to go find any armor she needed. While the Dryad browsed the wears, she ignored any attempt by the players to get her attention. Flea stood in line, trying not to look at the ass in front or crouch behind him at his eye level.
I really hate waiting in lines.
Niseph didn’t take long to come back with a dark green leather corset and leather pants laced up at the sides, in her size. She also found a set of simple leather bracers. It took the two almost twenty minutes to get up to the counter to be assisted.
“Welcome back Flea, what can I assist you with today?” Sveny said.
“Hello again, I need a new set of quill armor dyed black. I also need to buy this corset, bracers, and pants for her.” Flea pointed to Niseph.
“Of course, what happened to your old set?”
“We hit mortal rank without anyone telling us what happens.”
“Oh my. Terrible ordeal all around, even if you planned ahead. I still have your measurements here, so I can have it crafted by tonight for you. Would you like it delivered somewhere for your convenience?”
“That would be amazing, Sveny. I also have these large terrorbear quills to sell as well.”
“Where did you get these? These are the largest quills I’ve ever seen.”
“Took them off an Abomination last night. How much would you buy them for? I can get you more tomorrow. If you haven’t heard yet, we are going into the mountain to kill the rest of them.”
“Yes, I’ve heard the news. I’d be willing to give you 50 copper for that quill. Do you have any more?”
“I have nineteen more, and I also have these scales from the Abomination as well.”
“Show me!”
Flea took out one of the Abomination’s scales and handed it to Sveny.
“I’ll give you a silver each, how many do you have? I could make the best armor I’ve ever crafted with these. Take a look at this.”
Sveny pulled out a dagger from his belt. He placed a scale on the counter and then set the dagger’s point against its flat surface. Grabbing a mallet from under the counter, the Elf drove the butt of the dagger down. Removing the blade, Flea could barely see a dimple on the scale’s surface.
“If I can get my hands on maybe thirty of these, I could make an entire set.”
“If I bring you more of them, could you craft me a set with them?”
“Bring me forty scales, and I’ll make it for free.”
“Ok, I’ll sell you the twenty quills I have. I need the quill armor tonight, and her pieces as well. What’s my total?
Sveny stared into the air, moving his fingers like he was manipulating an abacus, “Ten silver for the quills. I’ll do 34 silver for your dyed armor and delivery. Her pieces are 27 silver. You owe me 51 silver.”
Flea thanked and paid Sveny. Turning to Nispeh, he could see she was already wearing her corset and was sitting on a box lacing the first side of her pants up. Waiting for her to finish, they walked out of Sveny’s and headed towards Sue’s Bakery.
“Niseph!!” Granny Sue screamed.
The older woman darted from behind the counter, rushed up and hugged the beaming Dryad.
“Oh, it’s lovely to see you again, Granny. I enjoyed the candies you gave Flea. I missed them dearly.”
“Oh, Princess, that pleases me to hear. Why are you wearing leathers? Oh My! Is that a magic bag? How have you become an adventurer? Does your mother know of this?”
Niseph giggled and placed a hand over her mouth.
“Everything is happening too fast. I have not yet left the town to inform my mother of the change. Elder Loratoris had seen fit to give me the town’s Golden Chit and the opportunity to join The Guild.”
“Your mother is going to be so happy to hear that there is a chance for the Dryad again.”
Around this time, the crowd started to get a bit impatient on waiting.
“I need to help everyone right fast sweety, give me a few minutes.”
Granny Sue gave a discount to all who waited, pleasing everyone. Once the crowd cleared, she went into the back and returned with a large brown bag.
“Here Niseph, put this in your magic bag and don’t show it to your sisters.”
Taking the brown bag from Granny and opening it, she found it full of the pink rosewater flavored candies she loved.
“Thank you so much, Granny! I’ll make sure to give mother some as well.”
The trio talked a bit longer before Flea finally suggested it was time to go. They still needed to walk back to the forest and inform the Dryad Queen of the Elder’s plans. Flea and Nispeh dropped by the Adventurers’ Guild to tell them the duo would be back before sunset to set up their group of adventurers.

~‌ ‌1.16 ‌-‌ You Get A Promotion! And You, And You ~‌
​
Noto’s Adventurers’ Guild
2nd Darkday of The Full Moon
The three players, Flea, Khorwin, and Martina, were informed of their promotion to rank Tin division one, skipping past any Copper divisions they still had. Niseph was given Tin upon joining, a perk of the Golden Chit.
“The Dryad hasn’t been allowed to rejoin the Adventurers’ Guild since our race lost in The Games eons ago. The Golden Chit has given me the ability to respawn and rank. You have no idea how much this means to my race and I; Flea, Khorwin, and Martina. This is our first step for the Dryad to have a chance to return to The Games.”
“I have heard NPC’s say ‘The Games’ multiple times now. What are these games, Niseph?” Martina asked.
“You are new to Mea. You newcomers will find out in time. I am not permitted to speak of them to you at this time.”
Fenix returned minutes later with their goods. Giving Niseph her magic bag, the Feline then handed each of them an ornate tin box. The receptionist requested their tags and left again to update them to their new ranks. Opening his box, Flea found a sizable purple cloth sack and a large purple, hexagon-shaped coin with a hole at its center. Opening the bag, Flea guessed it held around a hundred cores. Putting them in his magic bag confirmed it to be 100 Clear Cores.
Upon returning, Fenix handed each of them their brand new Tin tags. Finished, Fenix asked each of them to soulbind their new tags. Upon dropping his blood on the new greenish colored tags, a prompt asked the Gnome if he wished to change his rank. Accepting the prompt, a second informed the Gnome his Copper tags have been destroyed.
Martina held up the purple coin and asked Fenix about it. The receptionist informed the group it was a token given to adventurers upon reaching Tin rank. The token could be turned into any Adventurers’ Guild for their choice of available Skill Cores from their vault. This Skill Core would be the first most adventurers would be able to get their hands on.
Fenix continued to explain once they used their cores and leveled up, they should be over level 10, opening their first Mana Gate. Once they’ve achieved this feat, the three of them should return to the hall to turn in their tokens.
“Thank... Thank you!” Khorwin started hopping up and down, cheering.
Flea waited for Fenix to help Niseph soulbind her magic bag before speaking to the Feline.
“Could you explain to us what Mana Gates are, Fenix? I’ve been told some by Sveny, but would like to hear some more.”
“Sure, Flea. Mana Gates are pockets created by the mana channels within every living creature. When the body has developed to a certain degree, the channels expand and spread farther throughout the body. When these channels reach specific anatomic points, they develop a type of bubble or shell within that location. We call these spaces; Mana Gates. The body can then absorb a Skill Core and imprint that skill inside the bubble where the body then adapts to use that skill. I believe there are more to these Mana Gates, but most scholars could debate that for eons.”
“Thank you for that knowledge, Fenix.” Flea said.
“So guys. everyone back to their inns and level up?” Martina asked.
“Yep, leveling up and getting my first skill is on the top of my list,” Flea replied.
“Martina, thanks again for rushing to help us. I think the promotion chits were rewarded for surviving that Abomination and bringing the news back to town. I wouldn’t be surprised if this questline gets more interesting tomorrow and with even better rewards,” Khorwin said.
“I should thank you guys. I was farming ore for money. After today, I doubt I’m going to have much of that issue. I’ll see you guys back here tonight to organize our groups.”
“Alright, see you guys later tonight,” Flea said.
Minutes later, as Fenix was finishing up writing his report, he suddenly dropped his quill. Turning around to speak to the group again, he found them gone. Running out the doors and into the street, he found the group to be long gone. He cursed into the air and turned around. The Beastman flattened his ears as he walked back into the hall and spoke in a whisper.
“I’m so getting in trouble for this tomorrow.”
Flea and Niseph walked to The Drunken Ogre together after leaving the other two at the town square. Reaching the inn, they were greeted by a large group of people asking them questions. They tried to explain what was going on, answering their questions as best as they could.
Niseph was asked to cover her chest by a few women, to the men’s protests, causing her to get frustrated enough that she left Flea and stomped up to his room. Excusing himself, the Gnome followed her up and unlocked the door for her. The Dryad jumped onto the bed and poured a couple of marbles onto her hand.
“How do I use these?” Niseph asked, raising them in her hand.
“Hold one in the palm of your hand, and just crush them. It’s easy once you’ve done it once. Crush all of yours first, then choose the attributes you wish to level.”
“How do I see these attributes?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. After you’ve crushed them all, think or say ‘status.’”
“Thank you. I was born after the fall of the Dryads, so I’ve never been able to level, please excuse my lack of knowledge.”
“Don’t worry about it. You should lay on the bed before you level. You’re going to get knocked out as soon as you accept the changes.”
Niseph nodded and laid back onto the bed, taking out the cores one at a time and crushing them. Flea decided to do the same and sat next to the Dryad.
​
Absorbed 100 Clear Cores
Absorbed 21 Cloudy Cores
+ 2066 Energy
​
Holy shit, that’s an average of 19.4 Energy per Clear Core.
Pulling up his Status screen, Flea took a look at his current status.

Flea	Lv. 6	23.52
Gnome	Earth	0.68
Tin I		2132 Energy
6	Strength	➕ [84]
6	Constitution	➕ [70]
10	Dexterity
4	Intelligence	➕ [45]
4	Wisdom	➕ [50]
22	Magic Bag 🛈	➕ [75]​

Flea found he could only level his attributes to 10. This forced him to spend points on Wisdom and Intelligence. Maxing the four remaining attributes to 10 cost him 1603 Energy. He couldn’t put any more points into his attributes, so he decided to finish. Mentally accepting his choices, Flea heard Niseph let out a scream, startling him. Seconds later, Flea let out his own scream before the darkness of sleep took him.
Opening his eyes, Flea immediately noticed the stench in the room. It was by far the foulest thing he had ever remembered smelling. The Gnome immediately noticed he had difficulty moving his body and it felt like he was lying in something wet. Looking down at himself, then over at the still sleeping Nispeh, he could see a pitch-black, tar-like substance all over the both of them. The last thing he noticed was they were not alone in the room. Dross was standing over them, seemingly very pissed off.
“Who the hell ascends in a place of business? I had to close my damn inn down due to the stench. As soon as she awakes, both of you get down to the bathhouse and scrub yourselves like your lives depend on it. Leave all of your clothes and armor in the burlap bag inside the bathhouse. They’re going to be burned.”
“What? I just bought these! Their soul bound, can’t we just clean whatever this is off of them?”
“No can do. That smelly as hell shit was a part of you. So even if I killed you right here, you’d spawn with it still on your clothes. Didn’t the receptionist at the Adventurers’ Guild warn you two what would happen when you hit level 10?”
“No, they didn’t. The Guild just gave us our Tin ranked rewards, and we left.”
“Tin rank? How?! This island shouldn’t have anywhere near enough Tin quests to promote anyone before you lot leave for the mainland.”
“Flea explained everything again to Dross.”
“Damnit, I’ll forgive you for the loss of business. This is bad news, indeed. I must let my family know what’s going on. It looks like your Dryad is stirring. Take her down to the bathhouse now, please. I’ll burn the blanket and bedsheets with your clothes. I just hope it didn’t get into the mattress.”
“How will you break the soul bind on the armor?”
“We’ll take care of that after. You bathe now, please go already. It’s killing me slowly to just stand here. It’s even worse for my wife and child.”
With Niseph awake now, Flea explained what was going on. The Gnome had her follow him to the bathhouse. He found the burlap bag quickly enough and a bar of soap with it. Flea assumed it was to clean off whatever the black junk was on his body.
Cleaning himself took hours. For every part of his body, Flea had to scrub, scrape, then scrub some more. Once he was satisfied with the results, the Gnome sank into the bath and relaxed. He was rudely disturbed not long after by Dross, yelling for them to hurry up. Walking outside with a robe around himself, he found Dross, Niseph and an Elf he hadn’t met before.
“Flea, this is Elder Nyana. She will break the soulbinding on your armor for you. Please hand her the bag.”
“You’re the third stop for me today. Two other adventurers broke through as well. Elder Whoden is going to get a damn earful from a lot of people, I suspect. Not warning those close to ascending about the issues of such a feat.”
“Excuse me, Elder, but what changes? What was that black stuff we woke up in?”
“You both now have your Mortal Bodies. You can now absorb Energy through meditation and unlock your first Mana Gate, allowing you to absorb your first Skill Core. Normally adventures reach this point before being promoted to Tin, but with what’s going on around here, the fault may therein lie with the two Elders not informing you of what would happen to your bodies. As for the black substance you awoke with inside. Well, that was what your body expelled out. It was all of your impurities and any diseased body tissue,” The Elder explained.
The realism this game is going for is on such another level than anything before it.
Flea handed the bag over to the Elder. A moment later, he got a notification pop up in his vision.
​
Elder Nyana wishes to break the soulbinding on five items.
Do you give permission?
[Yes] [No]
​
Flea mentally selected yes before he could regret it. The Elder closed her eyes and concentrated. Moments later, the bag lit up like a light bulb.
“It is done.”
“Good,” Dross said as he took the bag and threw it on the bonfire he had behind the bathhouse.
Walking back to the group, Dross handed Flea a key.
“New room, first on the right, on the second floor. Your old room is going to take a while to get the smell fully out. I’ve already moved your things.”
“Thank you again, Dross.”
Getting into the new room, he found it more spacious, with a larger bed and a dresser against the sidewall. The room also had the same size desk and chair as the last room.
I think Dross has misunderstood some things.
[Congratulations are in order, Kyle. You three are the first players to achieve level 10. The news is already spreading amongst the other players. Your names have not been made public due to our privacy settings. I would suggest you and your friends do not make it known. Many players wish you three harm now.]
“Thank you, Bob. I will speak to them about it.”
“Who is Bob?” Niseph asked.
“Oh, I’m not sure how to explain. Bob’s from my world and lives in my head, like a type of magic helper.”
Niseph shook her head.
“Can we go visit Granny? We should also get you new armor, and maybe something to cover my chest up. If I’m to join your group, I should be less distracting to your kind.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll need to stop at the smith first to sell the ore from last night.”
After Flea changed into his starter clothes, they left the inn and headed over to the west side of town, stopping at Krom’s shop first. Flea offloaded his iron and silver ore to Krom, making over 11 silver for the lot. The Gnome and Dryad then headed over to Sveny’s shop, so Flea could buy another set of quill armor and something to cover up Niseph.
Entering the shop, they found a hive of activity. People were in almost every part of the place looking through the shop’s wares. There was already a line of people at the counter waiting for Sveny and his assistant to help them out.
It didn’t take long for the players to notice Niseph and start whistling and catcalling. All their attempts seem to breeze right past her, as if she hadn’t a care in the world. Getting in line, Flea told Nispeh to go find any armor she needed. While the Dryad browsed the wears, she ignored any attempt by the players to get her attention. Flea stood in line, trying not to look at the ass in front or crouch behind him at his eye level.
I really hate waiting in lines.
Niseph didn’t take long to come back with a dark green leather corset and leather pants laced up at the sides, in her size. She also found a set of simple leather bracers. It took the two almost twenty minutes to get up to the counter to be assisted.
“Welcome back Flea, what can I assist you with today?” Sveny said.
“Hello again, I need a new set of quill armor dyed black. I also need to buy this corset, bracers, and pants for her.” Flea pointed to Niseph.
“Of course, what happened to your old set?”
“We hit mortal rank without anyone telling us what happens.”
“Oh my. Terrible ordeal all around, even if you planned ahead. I still have your measurements here, so I can have it crafted by tonight for you. Would you like it delivered somewhere for your convenience?”
“That would be amazing, Sveny. I also have these large terrorbear quills to sell as well.”
“Where did you get these? These are the largest quills I’ve ever seen.”
“Took them off an Abomination last night. How much would you buy them for? I can get you more tomorrow. If you haven’t heard yet, we are going into the mountain to kill the rest of them.”
“Yes, I’ve heard the news. I’d be willing to give you 50 copper for that quill. Do you have any more?”
“I have nineteen more, and I also have these scales from the Abomination as well.”
“Show me!”
Flea took out one of the Abomination’s scales and handed it to Sveny.
“I’ll give you a silver each, how many do you have? I could make the best armor I’ve ever crafted with these. Take a look at this.”
Sveny pulled out a dagger from his belt. He placed a scale on the counter and then set the dagger’s point against its flat surface. Grabbing a mallet from under the counter, the Elf drove the butt of the dagger down. Removing the blade, Flea could barely see a dimple on the scale’s surface.
“If I can get my hands on maybe thirty of these, I could make an entire set.”
“If I bring you more of them, could you craft me a set with them?”
“Bring me forty scales, and I’ll make it for free.”
“Ok, I’ll sell you the twenty quills I have. I need the quill armor tonight, and her pieces as well. What’s my total?
Sveny stared into the air, moving his fingers like he was manipulating an abacus, “Ten silver for the quills. I’ll do 34 silver for your dyed armor and delivery. Her pieces are 27 silver. You owe me 51 silver.”
Flea thanked and paid Sveny. Turning to Nispeh, he could see she was already wearing her corset and was sitting on a box lacing the first side of her pants up. Waiting for her to finish, they walked out of Sveny’s and headed towards Sue’s Bakery.
“Niseph!!” Granny Sue screamed.
The older woman darted from behind the counter, rushed up and hugged the beaming Dryad.
“Oh, it’s lovely to see you again, Granny. I enjoyed the candies you gave Flea. I missed them dearly.”
“Oh, Princess, that pleases me to hear. Why are you wearing leathers? Oh My! Is that a magic bag? How have you become an adventurer? Does your mother know of this?”
Niseph giggled and placed a hand over her mouth.
“Everything is happening too fast. I have not yet left the town to inform my mother of the change. Elder Loratoris had seen fit to give me the town’s Golden Chit and the opportunity to join The Guild.”
“Your mother is going to be so happy to hear that there is a chance for the Dryad again.”
Around this time, the crowd started to get a bit impatient on waiting.
“I need to help everyone right fast sweety, give me a few minutes.”
Granny Sue gave a discount to all who waited, pleasing everyone. Once the crowd cleared, she went into the back and returned with a large brown bag.
“Here Niseph, put this in your magic bag and don’t show it to your sisters.”
Taking the brown bag from Granny and opening it, she found it full of the pink rosewater flavored candies she loved.
“Thank you so much, Granny! I’ll make sure to give mother some as well.”
The trio talked a bit longer before Flea finally suggested it was time to go. They still needed to walk back to the forest and inform the Dryad Queen of the Elder’s plans. Flea and Nispeh dropped by the Adventurers’ Guild to tell them the duo would be back before sunset to set up their group of adventurers.

Hey Mattress back in May last year I felt it was time to buy a new Mattress. As a person who had no knowledge on the subject (why would I?) I was utterly overwhelmed. There's so many sites that recommend different beds and well compared to car shopping looking for a Mattress is a damn nightmare. And it gets especially difficult when you start browsing informative mattress sites (including this one) where you'll get a deluge of varying opinions and claims that certain sites are paid off by mattress companies and let's just say I don't want to go thru that experience ever again.
One Mattress I did find to be very comfortable was the Queen Sized Saatva Original Luxury Firm. It was firm enough to support a big man (6'3 & 240 pounds) like me and my girlfriend feels it's comfortable as well. The price wasn't cheap but it wasn't budget breaking like the upscale Tempur-Pedics. I decided to order it online and since then I don't have any complaints whatsoever, it's the most comfortable mattress I've ever had.
Now I know what you may be thinking (is this guy paid by them?) and I have nothing beyond the proof that this reddit account is fairly old to say you can trust me. I definitely think you try out a mattress before you purchase blindly. I can tell you the one mistake I did make (no fault of the company's) and that's that I order the tallest sized mattress (14.5”) along with the tallest foundation (8.75”). My silly head thought, "Why not get the tallest if the prices are the same?" With it sitting on my already high bedframe the mattress just sits HIGH, too high. It's not a problem for me since I am thankfully tall but my girlfriend has to jump on the mattress or use a footstool to get up. If either of us fell off which thankfully hasn't happened it would not be fun. So if you do decide to buy from them (and I guess any mattress) take some measuring tape and figure out how high your bed will be before you purchase. I'm now looking to buy a new foundation to lower the mattress by a few inches.
Anyway just wanted to add my own average consumer thoughts. I personally think Saatvas are awesome and the bed shows no signs of wear & tear but what's comfortable to me might feel horrendous to another person. In a few years I'll likely buy this bed again, I would just make it shorter. Good luck and take your time shopping!

Suppose someone is planning to buy a new mattress. In that case, naturally, the first instinct will be to buy a king-size mattress online because it's a common myth that big mattresses are more comfortable while comparing to other mattresses. But that's not true.
People should choose the mattress according to their comfort and have to consider which mattresses would be best for their room. For example, buying a king-size mattress online for a master bedroom measuring 12*12 sq. feet could be considered one of the best options. But if a person lives alone, and has a room of 8.5 to 10.5 feet, buying a single bed mattress online can be the best pick for them. There are many more myths about online shopping of mattress that you should know. Here are some of them,

• Myth - It is considered that mattresses that are high in price on online sites, provide you with the best quality and comfort. Truth - Quality usually depends on which type of material is used to make the mattress. If a product is made with good quality material, it provides a quality mattress to the customer. The quality of the mattress also depends on brands. Some of the branded companies provide you with a high-grade mattress for all types of budgets. Thus it's a misconception that mattress with a high price always provides you with the best quality.
• Myth - If you maintain your mattress well, which you have bought from the online sites can last for years. Truth - Mattresses usually have a life span of 7 years. Thus, it's best to change your mattress every 8 to 10 years as it would have lost its shape and could fail to provide its original comfort and support.
• Myth - Online mattress is for those people who can afford to pay full payment at once. Truth - Mattress shopping can usually be expensive. That's why online shopping provides us with the option of EMI (Equated monthly Installments). Thus, those who can't afford to buy a mattress by making a one-time payment can easily avail of the offer of EMI.
• Myth - King-size mattress and Queen size mattress are of the same size. Truth - It's a false belief that a King-size mattress and Queen size mattress are of the same size. A king-size mattress is a little wider than a queen size mattress. The dimensions of the King-size mattress are 72 inches in length and 72 inches in width. Whereas, the dimensions of the Queen size mattress are 72 inches in length and 66 inches in width. Thus, buying Queen size mattress online can be one of the best options for couples. Whereas, for couples who share the bed with their children, the best pick for them could be buying a king-size mattress online.

In the past few years, online shopping has become a trend for the younger generation, and they usually choose to shop online. Also, Online shopping provides you with many benefits, such as exchange offers, free shipping, and delivery, extra discount, sleep trails, etc.
Thus buying a King-size mattress online or any other mattress online can be beneficial to the customers. In online shopping, customers can easily select their mattresses based on the material and their compatibility. Online shopping is also time saving and convenient. Therefore, most of the customers preferred shopping online over offline.
To Wrap Up
Now, if you are interested in buying a mattress online, you can visit BIANCA Mattress -https://biancamattress.com/ They help you to find the perfect mattress for you and offer some of the best deals.

If you plan to buy a new mattress, you have to make sure that it doesn't occupy a large part of your room. It is because if your bed covers a large part of your room, there would be no place for your other furniture to move around in the room. And this can make your room look clumsy. If you sleep alone, buy a single bed mattress online can be one of the best options for you. If you buy a single bed mattress online, online marketplaces these days provide you best mattress with the best deals.
Generally, if we buy a single bed mattress online, they are of two types.
• Single-size mattress- Currently, this type of mattress is considered one of the market's best selling mattresses. The dimensions of this mattress are 72 inches in length and 36 inches in width. Thus this mattress can be more suitable for teens and children. It can be an ideal mattress for a room measuring 7 to 10 feet.
• Twin size mattress - Twin size mattress is a little wider in comparison to single size mattress. The dimensions of this mattress are 72 inches in length and 42 inches in width. This type of mattress can be more comfortable for a single adult. This mattress also provides extra space, making it more convenient for a person to accommodate their pets. The size of this mattress could be an ideal mattress for a room measuring 8.5 to10.5 feet. Thus this mattress could be the best pick for your guest room.
There are also many different types of mattresses available such as King size mattresses and Queen size mattresses.
· Queen size mattress- The Queen size mattress is big enough for two sleepers. Hence it is one of the most popular mattress sizes amongst the couple. The dimensions of this mattress are 72 inches in length and 66 inches in width. This mattress is considered to be the best for the master bedroom of 10*10 feet. If you are interested in buying this mattress, you can now easily buy a queen size mattress online.
· King size mattress- king size mattresses are a little wider in comparison to queen-size mattresses. So it provides a larger space for a couple to sprawl themselves while sleeping. King size mattress is large enough to accommodate couples who share the bed with their children. The dimensions of this mattress are 72 inches in length and 72 inches in width. Thus this type of mattress fits best in a master bedroom of at least 12*10 sq feet. Sleeping on a king size bed feels like sleeping in luxury. One can buy King size mattress online easily and within their budget.
Concluding Remarks
For many people, mattress shopping can be stressful, so you need to watch out for some crucial factors to ensure that you select one of the best mattresses for yourself. But now you don't have to worry as online shopping has made things much simpler and easier. Online shopping provides you many facilities such as free shipping and delivery, exchange offer, sleep trails, easy return or replace, etc. It also helps us save a lot of time as customers don't have to visit different stores to check and compare the mattress price. Nowadays, most of the customer preferred shopping online over offline as it is more convenient and time-saving.
Now, if you are looking to buy a single bed mattress online or any other type of mattress, you can visit BIANCA Mattress - https://biancamattress.com/ for some of the best deals.

September Freshman Year
C.L.A.M. Dormitory
Michael sat crisscross-applesauce in his bed/fort with his forehead against the window watching rain drops fall underneath 18th century streetlamps. When he first moved into this dorm room, Michael quickly discovered that to mitigate the consequences of being walked-in-on while love-making, or more commonly, while jerking-off, he needed to hang bedsheets from the ceiling over his bed. Though he sleeps on an unzipped sleeping bag now, the move gave Michael decent privacy in the 10x14sqft room that he and Brandon share. It also gave Michael full control of the room’s only window—a common point of contention.
“You in there?” A familiar voice called from outside Michael’s fortress. He never heard the door open, which, if it was closed it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. It’s part of freshman dormitory culture at C.L.A.M. to leave doors unlocked when in the room; a social maneuver intended to promote friendship in a setting where just about everyone is away from home for the first time and overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness. It’s an honor for freshmen: having people willingly congregating in your room. And, it’s generally the first chance these kids have at hosting an occasion, and while the occasion is usually only a movie night or secret drinking session, (often the way you know someone’s drinking is when their door is actually locked, for fear of unexpected RA intrusion) intrusiveness is welcome. Michael didn’t answer the familiar voice.
“God, you’re weird, Mike.” It was Lily. Michael thinks Lily is the prettiest and generally most-fun to be around of all first-floor Staltz Hall dormitory counterparts. She and Michael created the Staltz hall bowling league second week of classes. Frowned on by many of the residents, the game involves setting up a stolen street cone at either end of their one-hundred-foot hallway and rolling a basketball down from one side to the other, trying to knock down the opponent’s cone. Frank, Staltz’s 1st floor RA shut down the weekday league after a few of the non-participating residents complained (the league is still open on weekends every time Frank leaves for Baltimore). Lily pulled back the fortress curtain and plopped down rather eloquently on Michael’s sleeping bag, shutting the curtain behind her.
“Welcome to the Dojo.” He said to Lily.
“Whattcha up to?”
“Chillin. Quite literally, really. My forehead is pretty cold on this here window. The rain looks nice, though, so it’s okay.”
“Well move your head, silly.”
“Blaaarrgh.”
“Ok, then. Stay there and freeze. Weirdo.”
“…”
“A few of us ladies are going out to baseball house tonight. Word is is that there’s two kegs and no door fee. One of the guy’s birthday’s or something.”
“Schmitty. Guys on the team told me his dad bought kegs for his twenty-first.”
“You’re going, right? Come with us. Come, come, come, come! We’re leaving in like an hour.”
“Blarrghhh….”
“What’s wrong?” She asked, putting a hand to Michael’s shoulder. Michael still hadn’t moved his head from the window pane. The problem with these windows is that the college was built in the late 1800’s something. This particular dormitory in 1943, which since has gone generally unmaintained. The windows are all single-pane and superbly inefficient.
“Dumb girlfriend stuff.” Michael said “Laura was supposed to come down this weekend but she’s apparently too busy up in Lancaster doing the college partying at her own college to make it down.”
“Ahh. Well, you have about twelve ladies who would all be very happy to have you accompany them to a party, here. A party at this college.”
“Ehh, you’re all ugly.”
“HA, fucker!” Lily pushed Michael and the skin of his forehead, which by now was mostly frozen to the window, came off the glass with an unfortunate sort of suction-cupping sound.
Michael rubbed at the red mark over his eyebrows.
“You deserved it, asshole.” Lily told him.
“Okay. You’re right. You’re only sorta ugly. Maybe I’ll go. Let me know when you’re ready.”
“Good. I’ll see you in an hour. Also, put some pants on.”
“…”
As is habit for counterparts, the group of females needed an additional hour-and-a-half longer than Lily’s original ETD to try on dresses, take those ones off, try on different dresses, take those off, re-apply the first dress, put on makeup, do and redo hair, etc. Michael put on pants and played Super Smash Bros on the GameCube until they were ready to leave. Uncertain about gift-giving customs at college birthday parties, Michael purchased two packets of peanut M&Ms from the dorm’s vending machine and put them in a plastic grocery bag with an unopened tin a Copenhagen Mint for Schmitty.
“Be honest with me, Michael,” said Lily as they led the group along Bradford street over to the baseball house, “you think you and Laura are going to last?”
“I don’t know…She’s opened my horizons, that girl. I wouldn’t be here without her. I feel like I owe a lot to her, but also, I feel like she doesn’t appreciate me. Not enough concerted effort on her part, maybe. But I don’t know though, maybe I’m just being needy.”
“We all need what we need, I think. And Mike, I appreciate you.”
“Ha. Thank’s Lil’. ‘preciate you, too. I’m not sure about this whole party thing, though. I really don’t like them. I can be social and whatever but it’s like you come to these things are you’re expected to act all ridiculous. Like if you don’t pound 20 beers and go home fucking someone then its sorta like why are you even there. You just end up standing among a buncha drunk folks without having any real sense of place in any of it, I feel like.”
“Twenty beers? Ha, that’s a bit much, Mike.”
“Yeah, I’ve been at it a while, Lil. My friends back home like to drink.”
“Well stop thinking so much. Just have fun.”
Down Bradford, the group walked under a weeping willow that Michael had walked under a couple of times before. He looked up into the branches hanging down over his head. The girls behind Michael and Lily were yelling at each other about how good they looked, and were also complaining about how cold and wet it was outside. A few other groups of people were heading in the same direction. It was 11P.M. A girl in their group, named Jeanie, did a cartwheel and landed head first into a tree.
The door of the house was open and Michael walked inside followed by the group of ladies.
“MIKEY, YOU DOG, YOU!” It was Stuart Dots, senior starting pitcher. “I don’t believe what my unholy eyes are seeing!” The party was just starting to fill in. There were a lot of people Michael had never seen before. Lily disappeared off into the crowd. Ed ‘Willy’ Williams gave Michael a beer and offered him a swig of Codeine. Michael declined. Freshman Sarah Pultz came over and give Michael a hug and ran back off into the crowd. Michael left out the back door to see if he could find anyone smoking weed. Ron Stevenson and a few of the guys were pulling from a grav-bong. Kelly Fitzgerald was throwing up over a railing into the backyard grass. A guy named Herman gave Michael a beer to shotgun with him. E. Willy came out to smoke and repacked the bowl with something that smelled like Hubba Bubba. Lily came outside with Jessica to say ‘hi’ to Michael but didn’t smoke. Michael went back inside; the house was shoulder to shoulder. Albright was standing on the couch without a shirt DJ’ing from a Mac Book. Michael found a rack of Keystones in the fridge and took two. Henry and Conner ran the pong table five games in a row until (after a three-doink-rim-clip-dribble-off-the-back-end solidified their triple-O.T.-victory) Jeff C. took out his dick, plopped it on the table, and said “fight me.” Henry obliged. Albright and Ron helped move Jeff outside and laid him down in the front yard to sleep it off. Most in the party didn’t notice that anything even happened. Casey pulled Michael upstairs, kissed him on the cheek, and waved a bag of C17H21NO4 in his face. Stu smacked Michael on the ass as Michael walked out of the bathroom rubbing his nose. Henry ran around trying to convince someone, anyone, to hop back on the table with him and Conner. Conner found Michael at a time in Michael’s life when Michael was readier than ever to do absolutely anything which might be requested of him. Michael looked over into the kitchen and saw Stan’s arm around Lily and that pissed Michael off to no fucking end for some reason. Olivia took Michael’s place at the table when Michael up and walked outside without a word. Ron and Willy were still outside, stuck to lawn chairs. Kelly was sitting upright against the shed vomiting onto her lap. Michael walked over to her and tapped her on the head and asked if she was okay. Kelly gave a thumbs up. Oscar took a beer and cracked it over Michael’s open mouth. Albright threw an arm around Michael and kept shouting “THIS FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE!” Michael went inside to try and find Casey but couldn’t. Stu was holding Henry by the legs for a keg stand. Oscar challenged Michael to a rap battle but just kept saying “AR” and the “N-word” over and over and over. Michael walked away. Someone threw a gallon of milk and broke the TV. Michael somehow forgotten he’d been holding onto this plastic bag full of dip and M&Ms for the last two hours and ran around asking everyone if they knew where Schmitty was. Susan pointed upstairs. Michael walked into Schmitty’s room and found him underneath a woman he’d never seen before. Michael introduced himself to the young lady who was not at all shy about having just been walked in-on and handed Schmitty the bag and said “Happy birthday, buddy. Want me to lock up on the way out?” Schmitty said something along the lines of “hmmmmaaaaahahhhah” which Michael understood as “nawh, its cool.” At the bottom of the stairs Lily and Jessica were saying something about a dead girl in the back yard and how someone called for an ambulance. Michael ran outside to check out the scene and discovered a large crowd surrounding Kelly and the shed where Kelly was. A girl in the crowd screamed “I’M A FUCKING NURSING STUDENT AND THIS GIRL IS FUCKING DYING! CALL FUCKING THE POLICE, SHE IS DYING!” another voice screamed “SHE IS BREATHING. DAMMIT. JUST FUCKING RELAX!” a third person was yelling for someone to get Kelly water. Michael went inside and got a bottle from the fridge and two more Keystones for himself. Back outside, Michael pushed through the crowd and got to Kelly who’d taken her vomit covered pants off but was somehow still wearing shoes. “Hiya, bud, feeling ok?” “ERrmmmmmmaaaaaaa” “Is that a no, bud?” “ERRmmmmmmmmmm” “Want some water?” “mmmmmmMmmhmhnm” “Okay, here ya go, hold your head up” “*glukglukgluk*” “Ok, do you want to go to the hospital?” “ERRRRmmm” “You want to go to the hospital?” “ERrrrr NO! ermmmm mmm” “You want to go to bed?” “ye.” “ye?” “ye. um-huh”. “Ok, buddy, let’s get you to bed.” Michael looked over to Kelly’s roommate who was crying on the porch and talking to no one in particular about how she should’ve done a better job of being Kelly’s roommate. “Let’s just get her back to the dorm, okay, Rebecca? She’s gonna be fine.” “You sure?” “I’m sure. Now let’s go.”
Rebecca grabbed Kelly’s pants and Michael wrapped the crusty beach towel he found next to the shed around Kelly’s waist before he picked her up and carried her over to Rebecca’s car. Lily and Jessica followed behind the car and met them in the parking lot on campus in front of Victor Hall. Rebecca swiped everyone into the dorm and Lily and Jessica walked Kelly up to her room. Michael followed.
“So now what?” Lily asked, turning to Michael after she finished tucking Kelly into bed.
“Idunno—don’t think I can sleep yet.”
The three walked down the hall a few steps and could hear music coming from behind one of the doors. Room 314. Michael knocked. The noise stopped. Josh cautiously opened the door.
“MIKE! LILY! JESSICA! Come in! Come in! We were JUST starting a game King’s Cup! Come in! Take a seat, take a seat. Here’s some PBR; we do things classy here.”
Jared, Brandon, Tony, Chris, and a few other people that Michael had never met before were sitting around the kitchen table of this upperclassmen dorm room. A Natty Daddy was set in the middle of the table with a few cards tucked under the can’s tab. “Alright Michael, go on, get in there and pull a card.” Josh told him. Michael took a seat and pulled one of the cards surrounding the Natty Daddy “Five’s Guys” he said. All the men at the table took a drink from their red solo cup. Lily asked about the pizza box on the stove and Jared handed the whole thing over to her. Michael grabbed himself a slice and tucked the five-card underneath the tab. It was Jessica’s turn to pull a card now. She did.
“Okay…Ten of Clubs, okay…never have I ever…Umm…Never have I ever slept with a girl before.”
Everyone but Lily and Chris put a finger down.
“Never have I ever done anal.”
Only some people put down a finger.
“Never have I ever had a threesome.”
One guy, a friend of Jared’s, put his last finger down. Everyone stared at the guy as if he was suggesting he had done something unimaginable.
“Wait! Just wait a fuckin second now! You’re lying! Was it with two girls? A guy and a girl? What happened here?” Jared asked.
“Ha! I don’t really talk about it. It was nothing, really.” Said the guy.
“Come on, pussy, tell us.” Tony said to him.
“Okay, well I had a threesome, but it wasn’t like with people.”
“Yo! You fucked your cats you fucking freak!” Josh screamed out. Everyone around the table laughed.
“HA! No, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like that. I had a threesome with God and the Devil.”
“Oh, you’re a religo-nut. Your talking in bible-thump metaphor, I get it—put your finger back up, pussy.”
“Haha—no, no, it’s true. It really happened; I’ll tell the story if you want.”
“Okay then, let’s hear it. Weirdo.”
“So yeah…it really happened. It was weird. I’ve never felt like I amounted to so little as I did in that moment—but, at the same time, somehow, I understood how immensely valuable I was, you know? My role wasn’t large, but somehow, I was the keystone of that interaction.
It wasn’t like I was expecting it or anything, I’ll be honest. Maybe I’m asexual—I don’t care much for intercourse aside from trying to understand it, really. I know that sounds pompous but I think it’s true, I mean I like it and all, don’t get me wrong, I have urges and what not, but it’s like, I like it for different reasons, too. More so, probably. So, there was God, right? She—”
“Whattin the fuck crazy shit are you talking about, dude?”
“No, just listen, listen, I’m telling you, it was wild. God, she was sensitive—not like that, I mean—she was in-tune. She was utterly comforting. Flesh and everything. She was beautiful, maybe 5’6”, Slim but not too slim, you know? She wore blonde hair and glasses with thin frames. Curved, but I could almost wrap my hands around her waist. She had scars, though. And when I say scars, I mean I’m surprised she was there, you know? But I’m telling you, I was in the presence of Jesus reborn—back from the dead. The father, son, holy spirit—all right in front of me as a human female. Shadows cast down from the scar tissue raised above her forearms. I could see it. I could see the pain she’s absorbed, you know? But I knew it wasn’t her pain—it wasn’t. The pain belonged to everyone else. I could see it on her skin, that pain she’d taken from others. But it didn’t affect her. She smiled so intensely. She was so cheerful. So accepting and loving. There wasn’t passion in her act, her passion was for involvement. In sharing love…She kissed me, but I wouldn’t let her touch me. I couldn’t. I wasn’t worthy of her. I was scared, honestly.”
“Sounds like you’re full of shit.”
By now everyone in the room was just staring at this guy, confused, and listening to him drunkenly tell this story.
“Seriously, her name was even Emmanuelle, it was insane.”
“So, what you’re saying is you were in a threesome with two ladies and didn’t even fuck? Just sounds like you’re gay to me.”
“No, no, no—that’s not how it went at all. I’ll keep explaining if you want.”
Someone standing behind the table told everyone in the room to shut up and asked this kid to keep telling his story.
“Okay…so, the Devil…okay, her hair was brown, and it was long—really long. She had these large brown eyes, and claws, really, I mean it, she had claws. My back was all marked up the next day. And she was cunning, too. Real cunning. But okay, let me start from the beginning. We’d been hanging out all that day. Actually, I met God first, earlier in the day, around noon. I was sitting cliffside down at the bay, by Morris Point, just thinking about shit, you know? It wasn’t particularly dramatic or anything—just sitting there thinking. All of a sudden Emma comes up in a white summer dress, no one else around. I didn’t see a car or hear anything. I asked her how she got there and she told me she walked. If any of you guys have been to Morris, you’d know it’s like seven miles away from anything, right? There’s nothing there. But there was this woman, untouched by sweat or dirt or anything in this beautiful white dress. We sat there talking a few hours. You know something, though. I have to be honest with you guys, something tells me I should be honest…maybe it was a actually little dramatic, you know? I feel like I can share this with you because I’ll probably never see any of you again. I’d actually gone there to kill myself. I know I sound silly, but it’s true. Things weren’t really going so well at that point, you know? Break ups, family stuff, whatever. Anyway, I’d been sitting there with my legs danglingly over the edge of that cliff for twenty minutes, just going back over memories best I could, trying to find a reason, you know? I don’t know if any of you’ve ever been there, but all I kept thinking the whole time is ‘what’s the reason?,’ you know? Like really, that’s what I’m thinking in that moment, I’m thinking ‘why shouldn’t I just put an end to it,’ you know? ‘Why shouldn’t I just escape it?’ And really, to be honest I was drawing a blank on the whole finding answers thing, just about ready to stop my search when all of a sudden I hear ‘Hey!’ Scared the shit outta me, too—I almost fell just on accounta of her startling me. Ha! I look back on it now, you know, I don’t think she would’ve let me fall. I really think she was in control, somehow. Anyway, we get to talking and all and she pulls out a bowl and fills it and offers me a hit and I’m thinking ‘hmm, I don’t really want to go out of this thing stoned, you know? I wanna be there for my last moment. I wanna be all the way there.’ So I tell her ‘I’m okay’ and she says ‘okay’ and proceeds to hit the thing and we just sit there, silent for a while. Eventually, though, I’m wondering about when in the hell this woman is going to get up and leave so I can just do this thing without scarring her, you know? Then she makes this comment about how she’s not all that religious but that when she sees the sun sparkling over water like it was in that very moment right there at the cliffside, that that sort of beauty makes her wonder a little harder about life’s purpose and all that. They call it ‘sun glitter’, I looked it up. But anyway, I don’t say anything, just sit there when all of a sudden I just say it to her, I say, ‘I came here to kill myself today. Beautiful day for it, ya think?’ And you know what she does? She laughs! Ha! I couldn’t believe it. What a punch! Right in the gut! So, she puts a hand to my shoulder and says ‘look at this’, and she shows me a bunch of scars that run along her forearm and I’m thinking like, ‘damn’, you know? Wrists to elbows. Vertical, horizontal, all that. They weren’t fresh, either, these we pretty old scars, but you could tell they were bad. Real thick. ‘We’re hanging out today’, she tells me ‘Do whatever you want tomorrow, but today, let’s just hang out.’ So I think about it a second and I say ‘okay’ and we just sit there, talking about just about everything and I smoke from the bowl a bit and she tells me she wants to go grab a cup of coffee, and since she didn’t have a car I drive us. You know, I just thought about it now, but when we got up from sitting on that rocky cliffside there was not even a spec of dirt on the butt of that woman’s dress. Not a spec, it’s unbelievable. So anyway, that’s where we met Eve. At the coffee shop. Now that I think of it, it was pretty ironic. Must’ve been 4P.M. or something like that. Emma and I are sitting down for coffee and Eve comes up to us looking like she’d just finished a work shift and just hands us both a couple of muffins and sits down and says ‘I just got these day-olds from work so they wouldn’t go to waste getting thrown out, but I don’t know that I want all this food for myself. Please, have some muffins. Can I sit with you guys?’ She asks us. So now I’m thinking about what sort of turn around this is, you know? First, I’m planning to end my life and now I’m sitting with these two drop-dead gorgeous women eating muffins. Ha! Fascinating…” The guy stops and takes a sip from the red solo cup in his hand.
“So…like…what happened next? You never said why the devil was so cunning?”
“Oh, haha…yeah, sorry. Just thinking…”
“Well…?’
“Well, I mean we were all just hanging out and it was nice. Eve wanted to drive and I was reluctant being that at the time I was more or less living from my car. It was my life line, you know? But Eve was persistent so I left my car at the coffee shop because I couldn’t say no but I was nervous on account of having just met these ladies. Really, I guess this part doesn’t matter. We smoked a bunch. We got pizza with olives. We drove around town and then Eve, she was being incredibly touchy Eve was, on both of us. Really had me feeling kind of nervous—intimidated, really. And by now it’s getting late and Eve asks us if we drink and I say I haven’t been wanting to drink lately but Emma says she’s all for it and I don’t want to seem like the wimp so I say ‘okay’ and we get these bottles of wine and drive around to all the different views around town and then Eve says she’s got this park she knows about that no one ever goes to and really before anyone says anything we’re heading that way. Mind you, it’s mid-July but this is an exceptionally cold night for July and Eve is blasting down these back roads blaring electronic dance music, with the widows down and Emma is just laughing away in the front seat and she yells for everyone to take their shirt off and they both take their shirts off and I’m just thinking ‘what the hell is up with these girls’ and I’m feeling really self-conscious but Emma tells me to cut the shit and just about rips the shirt from my back. But so then, we come to this small parking lot on the side of the road, we get out the car and walk down a short trail up to this lake and we’re just dancing shirtless in the sand underneath stars, passing these bottles of wine between us. Felt like I was in a different world, you know? Nothing mattered. I mean for me it did a little, I was playing along with it all and all but I couldn’t get outta my own mind—couldn’t relax. But Emma kept coming up to me, you know, kissing my shoulder and smiling wider than I might’ve seen anyone smile ever and one of the times she looks me square in the face, her smile stretched ear-to-ear, and she says ‘I’m glad you’re still here.’ And…shit…ha…” He takes another sip.
“So…? So then what happend…?
“Ha! We’ll this is the weirdest part, I’d say. So Eve, she starts running back to the car and Emma and I follow. Eve, man. Okay, Eve is thin. Real thin. Fit. You can see her abs, she’s got strong arms, but she’s real slender. Maybe 5’8 or something, just a little taller than Emmanuelle was. Eve’s got small breasts, tight under the skin, you could see all the stress she carried, you know?. You could see it everywhere on her…her butt, I know I’m being maybe too descriptive here, it was taunt, you know, it was there for sure, but really firm. Her skin was like a cage she didn’t quite fit in. Nothing like Emma. Anyway, we get in the car and Eve is driving us somewhere and I really didn’t have my head on the time but finally, for once in a very long time I was just in the moment, you know? I was living. So, anyway we get to Eve’s place which I shit-you-not was the DMV. She was living in an apartment underneath the DMV. So we get there—"
“Wait, what’s an apartment at the DMV even look like?”
“Normal, I guess, except she didn’t have any furniture. None. And the walls were completely white, only things in there was an electric piano and a queen-sized mattress on the floor with a couple of blankets. Oh, and one of those Tempur-Pedic pillows; the devil likes her beauty sleep. And the place was seriously clean. Spotless this place was. So everyone’s got their shirt back on now and we’re just standing twenty feet outside the door of this place and Emma stops us on our way in and tells us to take notice of the way the moonlight is touching the windows and the shutters—tells us these are things we need to appreciate. It was weird. The whole thing was weird to me at the time, but I don’t know. I think I really get it now. Anyway, we head inside and Eve, like I said, I think she had this in her mind from the moment we first met her in the coffee shop; the muffins, getting us drunk and what not, and then we get in the apartment and Eve gets us to keep drinking and this is when it gets kinda weird. Ev—”
“This has been weird, man.” Said someone standing a few feet in the distance.
“Ha, yeah. So Eve, she pulls out her phone and starts showing us all these nude photos of herself—not just mirror shots, though, you know? Like these were professional…boudoir, maybe, I think is what she called them? I can’t remember, really. But now she’s running her fingers all along Emma’s arm and is really starting to be sorta rude to me. I don’t really know how to explain it. But it was weird, you know, all of a sudden Eve’s attention is solely on Emma and it’s like she’s trying to push me outta the whole scenario somehow to which I’m thinking ‘I would gladly leave if I knew where in the fuck I was.’ But then, for every affectionate stroke Eve lays onto Emma, Emma is pulling ME closer and closer. So Eve takes God by the hand and says ‘I’m tired’ and pulls her toward the bedroom where this mattress on the floor is and God takes me by the hand and says all cheerful like ‘Come on, now, let’s go to bed!’ with a smile that must’ve wrapped her whole head. So we’re all just laying there. The devil on the left, Me on the right, and God in the middle. We’re there not even two minutes before I hear the Devil landing kisses onto God’s neck and so I’m thinking ‘we’ll, okay, I better not just sit here being all awkward’ and so I start kissing God along the shoulder blades and I run my finger’s softly down God’s side and then, you know, I take a handful of God’s ass. And Emma, she just laughs saying ‘HA! This is happening! I can’t believe this is happening! I love you guys! I love you guys…” And me being me I’m thinking ‘Okay, so I guess this really is happening’ and I slowly wrap my fingers around God’s throat and slide my other hand between her legs and the devil moves up from kissing on God’s lips to situating her teeth right over the flesh of God’s holy ear and while she’s doing that, I tell you, she stares me dead in the eyes. Cold. Like ice I’m telling you. Those eyes weren’t human. You know that face Bilbo makes when Frodo suggests he hold onto the ring—that face? Eve’s face was sorta like that. I tell you what though, having just looked death straight through the iris not even twelve-hours earlier, I wasn’t scared of Eve. I just smiled at her. I think I even laughed if I remember. I was a little buzzed off the top so maybe there was some additional sense of courage I was feeling, I don’t know. So I’m kissing and touching on God and the Devil’s kissing and touching on God and there is no mixing anything up about the structure of this triangle until Emma jumps up and says to me, she says; ‘Kiss Eve. Give her everything she asks for. I’ll be back in a second.’ And so all of a sudden it’s just me and the Devil now, and for a full minute we sit there, eyes locked not saying a single word and she’s completely naked and I am nearly completely naked and I just say to her ‘Can I kiss you?’ because like what the fuck else am I supposed to do, you know? And the Devil, she slowly nods her head yes and so I start, like any good gentleman should, down at her feet. Because this is a powerful woman I’m sitting in front of, you know? I can feel it. I sense the danger, the intensity, and to be honest, I’m terrified—honestly. Anyway, I kiss her on her ankles; on her shins; on her knees; on the top of her thighs—which are completely sealed shut, by the way; I kiss on her pelvic bone…her pelvic bone…jutting from the side of that slender waist…I’ve never seen anything like it; I kiss on her stomach; on her chest; her neck…she was hesitant, you know? Sort of stiff in her movements. She kissed me back, but it wasn’t like when she was kissing God. She was slow to it, you know? I stopped everything and put a kiss on her forehead and said to her soft as I could ‘let’s wait for Emma. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.’ But then she says ‘No!’ looking at me with those eyes, you know? Eyes like I’d never seen anywhere before in my life. ‘No! I want you to fuck me!’ she says, and then she bites my neck… I really think Eve didn’t care about anything other than just making this whole improbable situation happen in the first place. She didn’t care about the sex; she just wanted to know that she could do it, I think. And I really believe that. She wanted to know her reach, her strength. She was so calculated. And just unconcerned for any emotional or physical results—her only goal was to make it happen. God came back into the room and we gave Eve everything.
I really feel like I was only there to record it, though, you know? These two powerful creatures entangled like that…to evaluate and wrap my head around it. Like I was only there to bridge a gap, per say, and maybe, in some odd way, so I could share the story someday, you know, for some reason. Or maybe it was a way for God to remind me that life’s purposes are shared—despite the immensity of any individual person. To remind me that you need it all, you know? Both sides. I am talking about deities, here, after-all. It’s so silly, sharing is. Ha…what a concept…”
Everyone in the room, of which only a few knew this guy’s name (Michael not included) stared at this guy, his eyes hollowed from an overactive hippocampus. Living in the past.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He said, coming to. “I know that was all a bit much. I frequent the day in my mind—reliving the moments. Ha! At one point I put my tongue to God’s lips as the devil had hers on God’s asshole! Ha! And you know what God said, loosening her bite on my bottom lip? She turns to Eve and she says ‘Eve! You fucking Devil, you!’—Ha! Can you believe it? God calls the Devil by her name. I’ll never forget that...”
The guy gulps down the last of bit of his beer, takes in a deep breath, and slowly exhales. The smell of alcohol and marina sauce fills Michael’s nostrils.
“I remember the smells more than anything. Musk? Maybe? I don’t know. It was warm. It was invigorating, inviting…safe, maybe? But it was also scary. I felt like I shouldn’t have been there, but also like I wasn’t supposed to leave. Forgive me for being so vulgar. I realize almost none of you know me…but yeah, that’s my threesome story.”
“I mean, that’s cool all, but did you make cheeks clap or nawh’ll? Cuz otherwise you gay.” Said Jared.
“What the fuck do you mean by God and the Devil? You mean you dreamed this shit up or something?” Asked, albeit in a rather rude and aggressive manner, a female student at the table.
“No, I mean what I said. I was with God and the Devil that night. I touched religion—I don’t mean that metaphorically. You know, there’s a little bit of that supernatural in all of us. I’m not talking about magic; everything has its scientific explanation—religion and science, as the cliché goes, are not all that different from one another. Each come from observation, it’s just that most religions pre-date the scientific equipment we now use to measure and better understand those observations. Religion doesn’t grow, the main stream ones anyway, in the same sense as science does. Most of the religious texts were drafted to control, or are misconstrued as being law. But in earnest the two things are the same—at base level they are a way to explanation observations. Besides, religion makes the whole thing easier to consume, it gives this life thing a narrative. People, I think, are wrong when they say science doesn’t dabble in morals. These people ignore the reach of brain science and our understanding of empathy and purpose in the human mind…I’m getting off topic…But yeah, I meant what I said. Those two women held the forces of destiny, they have their paths, their aspirations, and their acute understanding of human condition. Each of them chose to utilize that understanding in their own, opposing way. But that night, those forces came together. And I think, maybe, I was placed there by some pre-destined, ridiculous cosmic and outwardly force only so that those two didn’t kill each other in their passion. Or maybe just so I didn’t kill myself. I woke up the next morning and Eve was gone. I asked Emma if she wanted to Uber with me back to my car so I could drop her off somewhere since I had to get going to work, but she told me she was fine. I visited that coffee shop about every day for the next two weeks but never saw Eve, or even Emma. I asked the baristas if Eve had gone on vacation or something and no one there had a clue who I was talking about. I never saw either of them again.”
“You’re full of shit. I don’t believe a word of it.” Said the same woman who made the earlier comment.
“That next morning, after I got to my car, I stopped in at Safeway and bought a cookie and a diet Dr. Pepper on my way to work, you know, to celebrate having not killed myself. I keep the receipt here in my wallet.”
“Doesn’t prove anything.” She said.
“Okay,” Michael cut in, “whose turn is it to draw a card…”

You’ve heard of them. They started as a tool to help calm autistic people and people with anxiety and insomnia. Over the past few years they’ve grown into a popular household item, and with good reason. They’re comforting.
We’d pay just about anything for some comfort. Do you ever notice how that’s most of what we spend our money on now, us single guys? Why do we constantly crave to be comforted?
My life wasn’t particularly uncomfortable. Not then. I had finally gotten back track with reality after the disappearance of my wife and kids two years ago. I’d sold our little house in the suburbs, gotten a cheap apartment close to my job, attended all the therapy appointments the police and caseworkers recommended, and gone back to work. I still couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or two a night, even with the medications they gave me, but that was okay. The worst of it was over. Shock and grief can only last so long.
I got one anyway; ordered the thing off Amazon. In queen size, like all my bedding, even though my queen no longer slept in it.
It arrived ridiculously late. I’m a Prime member, and I selected the free two day shipping. But it at least had gotten there, so I didn’t send a complaint, despite the state it was in after its long journey - not in the familiar smiley cardboard box, but in a shapeless lump haphazardly placed halfway on my front doorstep, halfway in the parking lot. It had been clumsily wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string, and possibly kicked the whole way here, from the look of it.
“It’s like a quaint, rustic thing,” I announced (to nobody in particular) as I dragged it into my apartment. “A present from grandma, back home, uh, on the ranch!”
But even talking to myself couldn’t convince me. It looked like a bomb, delivered straight off the set of an action movie. The package was beaten up, stained, and the rough jute string was frayed and nearly falling apart. It looked singed in several places, too. It took me two hours, three gin and tonics, and a hearty microwave dinner to work up enough courage (or suicidal depression) to actually open the thing.
The blanket was bundled into a poorly-folded cube, held together by another length of the same string that had bound the paper. I wasn’t impressed with its packaging, but the blanket itself looked alright - plush, quilted blue microfiber with thick seams - and felt like it was the right weight. It smelled normal; you know that clean but vaguely chemical-ish odor new blankets have.
I checked the tag, wondering if I ought to clean it, but the ink was smeared and blurry. It seemed risky to throw it in the washing machine without knowing the correct settings to use, so I just threw it over my duvet and went about my business.
At around midnight I decided to give it a try. I had nothing left to lose; I’d spent hundreds of dollars on my bed over the past few months; the newest and best quality memory-foam adjustable cooling mattress, thousand count Egyptian cotton sheets, customizable-filling pillows, and none of it had brought me a single good night’s sleep. Honestly I expected the same to happen that night, but it was fun to pretend.
I slid between the cool sheets and pulled the blankets up over me. The new blanket was a bit lumpy, but I knew from reading reviews that this was normal due to shipping, and would smooth out over time. The weight was immediately noticeable, and to my surprise, I felt...comforted.
When I closed my eyes, I imagined my youngest two had crawled into bed with us, and were laying on top of me, suppressing giggles as they tried not to wake me up. An artfully folded section of the blanket at my back became the familiar bulk of my wife beside me, and when I opened my eyes again it was ten in the morning and I was late for work.
I’ve never been so thrilled to receive a write-up.
That weird chemical smell didn’t really fade, though, and gradually it became more noticeable. By the end of the week I could smell (or imagined I could) the strange, neutral odor on my skin, even after a shower. By the end of the month, it had become unbearable.
I took it to a dry cleaners, thinking that I’d been lazy because I was so enamored over my renewed relationship with sleep. I was ready for the elderly Korean woman behind the counter to judge me over the stink. I had my excuses rehearsed; work was crazy, I’d had it in my car and forgotten, and I’d had Indian food for lunch and forgotten the leftovers in my car over the weekend, which had amplified the smell.
But I didn’t have a chance to recite this story. She only waved a handheld metal detector over my blanket and said, “Filling wrong. Can’t clean. Try spray with Fabreeze! You can get on Amazon!”
I couldn’t imagine what about the filling could be wrong, and I told her so. Sure it was still a bit clumpy from shipping, but Amazon had listed the filler as polypropylene, and all the reviews recommended dry-cleaning.
“Metal,” she explained, then shooed me out the door with twenty pounds of smelly quilt in my arms.
Another month of beautiful, comfortable sleep went by before I couldn’t live with the smell anymore. People had begun to comment on it at work. Megan, my manager, had tactfully suggested I check my laundry machine to see if maybe a rat had gotten in there and died or something. That was my last straw.
I came home determined to get rid of the blanket and buy a new one. But you know what happens when you lose your entire world, with no answers? You start to cling to things. You hoard them. Because you can’t lose the comfort they bring you.
I tried six dry cleaners before I found one who spoke enough English (through a heavy Boston accent; but you can’t have everything) to explain it to me.
“Sometimes they fill these with glass beads,” he said. “The factories that make the beads, they‘ll lose a screw or some metal filings in the batch, and it all goes into the blanket. Machines in factories, you get me? Yeah, so what you can do is cut the seam a little and dump the balls into a bucket or the bathtub or something. Throw the blanket in the wash, hang it up to dry. Then you just pour ‘em back in and sew it up.”
I told him I didn’t know how to sew.
“You can get a funnel off Amazon for a few bucks,” he said, and shrugged at me in a particularly apathetic sort of way before turning back to a pile of stained panties.
I did exactly that. They took a week to ship it, which was annoying, but it was a bank holiday that Monday so the delay made sense.
Armed with my funnel and a bucket, I pulled the edge of the blanket over the bed and cut a tiny hole into the seam near the corner. I expected the beads to come pouring out in a clattery flood as soon as I dropped the corner into the bucket. Instead there was a single, loud thump as a lump of something metallic hit the plastic.
I peered into it and saw a gold circle. A wedding ring with a fingerprint carved into it, and an inscription on the inside that I couldn’t see because a chunk of meat and bone were still inside it, but I knew what it said. It said “to love’s eternal glory”. It was my fingerprint on the band.
My mind went blank and I lost control of my legs, forcing me to sit heavily on the edge of my bed. The motion tugged the blanket over another few inches, and more of the filling came out. This wasn’t a flood, it was more of a...heave, like the blanket was vomiting up pieces of crumbling, dry flesh and bone. Like a cyst being squeezed, thick clumps of horribly recognizable stuff squirted out into the bucket. My oldest son’s teeth clattered loudly against the sides, and I saw flashes of silvery fillings from the cavities caused by gum disease he’d inherited from his mom.
There was a scrap of almost-bleached-white Hello Kitty band-aid wrapped around a tiny knuckle joint, and I remembered how my daughter had scraped her finger knocking loudly on her brother’s splintered bedroom door, and how she’d smiled through her tears when she saw the special, fun band-aid her daddy had put over the scratch.
I’d been sleeping for two months beneath the heavy weight of a thousand mummified pieces of my wife and children’s bodies.
The cops couldn’t trace the package, even though they tried. The security cameras in my apartment complex showed an unmarked brown van with no license plate, which dumped the package directly from the window onto my front step. There was nothing to track.
Amazon’s lawyers provided evidence proving they’d packed and shipped the correct (boxed and labeled) blanket. Let me be fair to them; I must say that they offered me a prompt refund.
In store credit.
But I won’t be buying anything off Amazon ever again. I’ve gotten rid of my Echo; that was the first thing I threw out, along with all my new bedding, and I canceled my Prime membership. Just for good measure, I threw out my smartphone and smartwatch as well. Amazon and smart technology are convenient and that’s great, but it’s not worth the risk if things like this can happen.
It’s the only possible explanation, after all - how else could they have found the bodies?

Before you start renovating your house with respect to the furniture you are going to put in, it is important to think about the mattresses. Mattresses are important because when you come home tires, it is only a comfortable mattress that can help you take good rest and prepare you fresh for the next day. Thus, it is important to pick up a comfortable mattress to offer more comfort to your body. Remember one thing, your health is wealth and even if you need to spend something more to get a quality mattress, you must do it without fail.
The moment you reach out to a good furniture outlet in RI, you will get to see plenty of mattresses and we are sure you would find yourself lost in the woods of various mattresses. Every mattress is soft and every brand claim to offer the right comfort, but what is needed exactly. And how do you find the best mattress for yourself? This is a question that keeps on rolling from our one client to another and thus, we decided to offer some tips on picking up the right mattress for you. If you are already taking any physiotherapy sessions, you can ask your physiotherapist to suggest you a good mattress and you will get to know some good one with specific technical details.
If you are hale and hearty and do not need any physiotherapist, come to us and we can suggest you the best mattress for you and your family. So, whether it is a sofa set for your living room furniture in RI or a good mattress for your bedroom, here are some of the tips that you should take note of:
1.Check the size before you finalise anything. You should know what size your bed is, king size or queen size and thus, depending upon the measurements of your bed, you should select the size of the mattress.
2.There are various kinds of mattresses available and you should know all the options feasible for you. Check out with the furniture outlet in RI and see what all they can offer. When you know all your options, you are in a better position to take a decision.
3.Many people need specialty mattress. If you are one of them, go for them. There would be options in specialty mattress as well, try sitting or may be lying on the mattress at the store and you will get an idea if that is the right choice for you.
If you need any more help with choosing the right mattress, reach out to us.
Rachel Green is author of this article and writes since long time. For further details about living room furniture ri please visit the website.

Part One: The Tale
Part Two: The Chilling End of Robert McGowan
Part Three: Things You Hear In A Diner
Part Four: The Vanishing Man
Part Five: Come Home, Danny
Part Six: The Mystery of the Black Woods
Part Seven: The Shrieking Child
Bacon and eggs were cooked up for breakfast the next morning, as the coffee flowed into our mugs. We were weary, but there was an undertone of excitement in all of our voices. We were at once terrified, and yet relieved that we were doing something proactive to try to save ourselves. We gathered ourselves together, piling into two different vehicles, as we made our way to the old town center.
Thankfully, the weather had held up, and it was a relatively nice autumn day. We parked the cars and walked for several minutes, stopping at the end of the long, grown-up carriageway. Vines climbed the walls of the old, stately Harson Manor, accenting the peeling white-wash that had long turned gray. It looked imposing and dilapidated, but I believed strongly that we would find answers there.
We’d search the grounds, and the inside, tearing apart the walls if we had to. We split up into two groups; Will and Amy searched outside to the wood line, and James, Tiffany, and I took the inside. I watched from one of the upstairs windows as Amy stopped where the old garden used to be to pick something. Through the cracked window I heard her excited calls to Will that she'd found mint leaves. She hurried to catch up with him, handing him a leaf to chew.
I turned away from the window, wandering to the center of what was once Victorvina Harson's bedroom. There was a wooden bassinet turned over on its side, rotted away, covered in dust. A queen-sized bed with ratty bedclothes—that once may have been rose colored—still half-covered the dusty mattress. One large, blackened stain on the center of the bed told the end of a tragic tale, without a single word needing to be uttered.
“They didn't even change the bed sheets after she died? Nothing seems disturbed at all. Has anybody been in this house besides us?” I asked, looking at James over my shoulder.
“I think time forgot it, man,” James said, blowing out a soft breath.
“This is really sad.” Tiffany shook her head slowly as she looked around. “What are we looking for here, Danny?”
The faintest scent of copper seemed to linger in the air, though I thought it was impossible that it could be the smell of blood that old. My mind flew back to the dream image of Victorvina and her child, emerging out of the darkness of their tomb, and I squeezed my eyes shut to will the image away. It was bad enough being in the room where they'd died, without psyching myself out further.
I searched through every drawer, pacing the room checking for loose floorboards, and I checked the walls for hollow spots where something might have been stashed away. I even begrudgingly searched the sheets and under the mattress. I felt nauseous, but I fought it back, though I found nothing and we moved from room to room, coming up empty handed. We met back up outside with Amy and Will, who both looked disappointed.
“Did y'all find anything?” Amy asked as Tiffany walked to the edge of the property line a few feet away from us.
James shook his head, sighing loudly, dusting his hands off on his shirt. “We pried some of the walls off that were busted in places. We found a bunch of spiders, couple of mice, but there wasn’t any sign of anything that shouldn’t be there, or of ol’ Andy himself. He had to have split—” He was interrupted by a cry of alarm from Tiffany. We hurried over to where she stood. “Tiff, are you okay?”
Tiffany had her hand over her mouth staring at the ground. There were a few fallen trees, and tangles of ancient brush and vines that crept over the underbrush of the wood line. Underneath one tree limb was an old, ornate metal box. It was tarnished, horribly dirty, and half-buried, but I could clearly make out a name elegantly inscribed on the top of the box: Victorvina Bludstan.
“Okay. Wow,” Will said finally. “Wonder what that is doing out here, and buried.”
“Time capsule, maybe?” Amy suggested hopefully, barely moving her hand from where it had flown to rest over her heart. We stood there staring at the box, no one moving.
“Well, somebody needs to go down there and get it,” Tiffany said, moving carefully into the hole the trees had made, and I went to help her dig the box out the rest of the way. We unearthed it with some branches, and when we pulled it out we saw it was a little bigger than a tackle box. Both locks on the front of the box were broken.
“Open...Open it, Danny,” Amy insisted, and I flipped the lid open quickly, using the same stick I’d used to unearth it. There was an old diary, a slip of old parchment paper, photographs of Victorvina and her children as they had looked in life, and a necklace with crimson stones and pearls.
“Wow, this is beautiful,” Tiffany reached her hand out to pick up the necklace, then seemed to think better about it. “Damn thing is probably cursed or some shit. Why is it always pretty things that have curses cast on them?”
“The plight of the female,” James said with a chuckle, and Amy smacked him on the arm, scowling. "Sorry. Not funny."
“This parchment...Is wacky. Look at this,” Will unrolled the paper, holding it up to the light. There was some language written there, but none of us knew how to read it.
“Is that…? That's not ink, is it?” I reached out to tap the paper in a spot that looked, for lack of a better word, like a large clot of very old blood. “Gross.”
“It’s signed at the bottom by Heinrich von Bludstan, with Andrew Harson’s name below that,” James said scratching his head.
“Oh, *no...*This is one of those marriage deals, and it’s written in blood—double fucked up. We've gotta get this translated,” I said, and Will rolled it back up. I grabbed the diary, sticking the photographs in between the middle pages, then I scooped up the necklace as Tiffany made a hissing sound of caution. I paused for a second looking at her blankly. Nothing happened, and I could see on her face that she regretted not grabbing it while she could. “If we survive this, and you still want the pretty cross that belonged to the dead lady, then you can have it. Deal, Tiff?”
Tiffany closed her eyes for a moment as she shrugged. “Sure.”
“We can scan the document, then run it through a translator online. See if we can get anything from it,” James said. “Sometimes watchin' a lot of TV pays off.”
“Yeah, I guess it does,” I heard Amy say as we walked back down the carriageway to the cars. After a moment more, she spoke up again. “Does anybody else feel like they’re in a really scary, realistic version of Scooby-Doo?”
“If all of this turns out to be just a dude in a mask I'm 'onna flip my shit,” Will spat. “I'll be happy it's over, but I'll be so goddamned angry.”
+
The evening was growing dark as we read the final translation of the document we'd found earlier in the day. The document was written in German, and what it said would seem a normal marriage contract except the very end:
This contract verifies the marriage of Andrew Kenneth Harson to Victorvina Ursula Bludstan. It is binding, and will only be broken in the event of their souls' separation. I, Heinrich von Bludstan, hereby vow to forfeit all rights to my daughter, giving her over wholly to Andrew Harson. I understand that I am to make no effort to contact Victorvina, nor any of her line that follow after her.
“Well, that sucks. Harson sounds like a controllin' dick,” Tiffany said, cracking open beer number three.
“He might’ve had a reason not to let her talk to him. If they were from The Black Forest then maybe they were witches or somethin’,” Amy said, waving her hand through the air as if she was displaying a truth none of us could see.
“Honestly, that doesn’t sound so strange at this point,” I said. I went to pick the diary up off the counter, hoping to find more answers there. “She wrote this in English. Why wouldn't she write her own diary in German? Unless she wasn't allowed to speak German...”
“More evidence that Harson was a dick...” James said. “I got up too early. I'm gonna grab me a nap. I suggest that y'all do the same. Nobody gets left alone. I’m plannin' on stayin' up tonight. Don’t want to be caught unaware by anything.” James wandered towards his bedroom with Tiffany, and Will and Amy went to their pallet on the floor. I took the diary and kicked back the recliner, flipping the old delicate pages as gently and quietly as I could.
Darkness fell swiftly, as I read Victorvina’s words. She detailed so many things about the early settling of the town, and she talked about the mines, and how bountiful they were. She didn’t mention much about her marriage to Harson, except that he always told her that he was so proud to have saved her from the poverty of her people. Harson told her that he was happy that she was a flourishing member of their little community, and a well loved lady of the church.
​
Andrew dotes on me and our children, but I feel as though something pulls on his heart. I am afraid that there is a darkness inside him that will one day consume him. Perhaps it will consume us all.
​
I admit that I had preconceived notions about the Harsons. At first I thought they were just victims of a lack of proper medical care. A little vaccine goes a long way, but they never had the luxury that modern medicine provides. Then I thought that maybe Harson had been an evil man, and still another theory of mine was that Victorvina was a witch. Now I wasn't certain just who the bad guy was.
Something moved then, in my peripheral vision—a smear of black in the deeper shadows. Nothing was there when I looked, and I told myself it was only my eyes playing havoc with my paranoia before turning my attention back to the page. There was motion again, just out of my line of sight, and when I turned my head to look I saw nothing once again. I listened for any shift of movement, scanning the room out of the corners of my eyes.
There it was.
I saw it, slightly swaying back and forth, like a man waiting for a brawl in a dark alley. I thought for a second that I was in the middle of a waking nightmare from sleep deprivation. The shadow looked a little like it was wearing old fashioned mining gear, and the static, whispering sound James and I had heard seemed to be coming from the shape that I had my eyes locked onto. Steeling my nerves, I flew up out of the chair, hitting the light switch.
Bright light flooded the room, and the shadow, along with the man-shaped thing, were gone. Will and Amy reluctantly opened their eyes, squinting at me through the haze of interrupted sleep, and irritation. “The fuck’re you doin’? Have you lost every bit of your mind?” Amy sat up slowly, rubbing her temples, glaring daggers at me.
“There was somethin’ here in the shadows, and it’s not here in the light. You’re welcome, Amy,” I said, drawing my last sentence out for good measure.
James and Tiffany trudged into the living room, looking disheveled. “What's happening?” James asked.
Amy pointed a finger at me. “Daniel saw something.”
“What? What did it look like?” James asked, hastily grabbing his sketch pad. I described what I had seen, and James set to drawing. Within an hour and a half we had watched an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, we'd had at least three cups of coffee a piece, and James had finished the sketch. “Look like this?”
James held up his drawing pad, and there on the paper was the image of what I’d seen, at least as close as James could get. I nodded slowly, thinking then I that I might need something stronger than coffee. Looking at it in the light with my friends was somehow more unnerving that seeing it the first time in the darkness.
“That is…Just shitty. How did you not have a heart attack when you saw that?” Tiffany seemed to share my idea of something harder, swiftly heading for the whiskey in the cabinet.
“Yes, please,” was the chorus from the living room, and for just one fleeting moment things were the same as they ever were. We had no idea what fresh Hell waited for us.
​
Part Nine: A Night in Returnal Cemetery

The best Queen size mattress online.
Size Matters
We all have different body types, sizes, height and weight. We differentiate between ourselves with the help of our fingerprints, the clothes we wear, shoes and various different things that we use are all made to suit our body type. So why is it that with mattresses, we do not follow the same pattern?
One-size-fits-all is very specifically with mattresses can lead to different physical problems. Very common factor like neck pain and backache is what tenses the mattress that we use is not suitable for our body. We need to use different mattresses and adjust the form of the mattress to be able to get a restful night sleep.
Single bed Mattress:
We often end up alluding to ‘the buy single bed mattress online’ craze can we see all these ads that are present on the internet. While single bed mattresses are comfortable, they are generally used for teenagers. The size of a single bed mattress will generally not be comfortable for a full grown adult. The Single of single bed mattress is generally 91cms in width and 197cms in height. This is the most common bed size for children and for kid’s beds.
Different mattresses have different sizes so that people are able to sleep comfortably on them. While single bed mattresses and double bed mattresses are pretty common in children's bedrooms and the guest rooms. Most people prefer to have a king size mattress or a queen size mattress once they are a full grown adult. You can now days easily find queen size mattress online.
Queen size mattresses:
Queen size mattresses are larger than single bed mattresses. Queen size mattresses or ideal for couples who prefer to sleep a bit closer. Queen size mattresses are bigger than the regular size mattresses they still can be smaller for couples who prefer to sleep with the distance from each other the size of a queen size mattress is generally 60 inches wide and 80 inches in length. Due to their popularity you can easily find queen size mattress online. Still this is one of the most popular mattress sizes and it is comfortable size for everyone including the single slippers and people who have partners. This mattresses can also fit into most master bedrooms without it feeling cluttered. If you wish to look at some queen size mattress online you can search for them on our website.
King size mattresses:
King size mattresses are the largest size of mattress that is available commercially. King size mattresses are best for couples or individuals who like a lot of space to stretch out. However, we should keep in mind that a king size mattress is the largest size, so you definitely need a larger room as it will not fit into smaller master bedrooms. King size mattresses usually have the dimensions measuring at 76 inches wide and 80 inches in height this makes it one of the biggest mattresses. Due to their growing popularity you can find king size mattress online.
Luckily enough, there are now many different brands selling king size mattresses online and at very good rates. When buying king size mattress one must always keep in mind that this is a very big mattress and you should always keep the dimensions in check before ordering one.
The size of mattress is important when we decide what we should sleep on. A mattress that is too small is going to obstruct all movements that you could make in your sleep or if you are somebody who likes to stretch. It is good to buy a mattress that is bigger than you need as this will allow you to stretch when you lay down. You can find a range of queen size mattress online at our online store. But it is important to select the size that you feel comfortable with and try it out. To know more you can visit us at www.biancamattress.com

Hey all! I thought I'd take a few minutes today and attempt a draft at a mattress FAQ. This is something I've meant to do for quite a while, but haven't found the time for due to life events and exhaustion. Some of that exhaustion has come from sleeping on a few terrible mattresses over the last few years in grad school, and I don't want anyone else to go through that same situation. I have no experience in the industry itself, although I have done literal years of research and spoken with coil, foam, and mattress manufacturers in person and on the phone. Some of what you'll read here is pretty much the party line and similar to what you'll find on The Mattress Underground, and some of it is my opinion. I'll mark areas that are less evidence-based and more my opinion as such. So... without further ado.
​
What's the best mattress? Let's start here. There isn't one. Certainly some mattresses are better than others, but what works for you might not work for someone else. I'm sure you've had the experience of sleeping rather well on a poor quality mattress in a hotel or motel, and you may have also had the rather unpleasant experience of sleeping poorly on a very expensive mattress in your own home. So rather than ask "what's the best mattress?" let's instead consider the more useful question - "how do you find the right mattress for you?" And to find that mattress, you need to consider two things. First, what do you find comfortable? And second, is the mattress you're considering made of quality materials?
​
So how do I find something that's comfortable? The easiest way to find a comfortable mattress is to go into a local store and try out a few beds. I would strongly recommend finding a local manufacturer rather than a big name store, as local manufacturers typically use more durable materials and at better prices. You might find that you like the classic feel of a traditional innerspring mattress, or the slightly more conforming feel of a pocketed coil system. You might also enjoy the feel of an all foam bed. If nothing (or everything) feels comfortable to you, then I'd advise you to consider what you've slept well on in the past. This might give you a clue as to what works well for your body. I generally prefer an alternating coil innerspring (a slightly more conforming traditional innerspring) or a pocketed coil mattress. I've slept well on some foam mattresses, but I generally find these to be too warm. Once you have an idea of what you like, then it's time to evaluate each mattress for it's quality.
​
And how do I evaluate a mattress for its quality? Mattress quality is primarily determined by the quality of its two main components: the quality of the support system and the quality of the comfort layers. The support system for most mattresses is typically a spring system or a layer of dense foam (typically polyfoam or latex). Other more exotic support systems do exist (such as wool, water, or air), but these are much less common. Comfort layers are typically much softer foams (either polyfoam, memory foam, or latex) or much softer coil systems (called microcoils). Some other comfort layers include gel matrixes, wool, or cotton batting. So for simplicity's sake let's break this discussion into two parts: foam quality and spring quality.
​
What are quality foams? This is the easiest part of evaluating a mattress and is usually what people take away from the Mattress Underground. Generally, quality is determined by the density of the foam as measured by pounds per cubic foot (lb/pcf) as denser foams are more durable and retain their "showroom feel" for longer. For ease of understanding I'll break these down into three categories.

• Polyfoam: Or polyurethane foam. This is the most common comfort material and has a "classic" foam feel. My own polyfoam quality metric is as follows: 1.0lb/pcf or lower is very low quality; 1.2lb/pcf is low quality; 1.5lb/pcf is a medium quality; 1.8lb/pcf is high quality; and 2.0lb/pcf or higher is very high quality. However, most mattress companies (and sales people) will use "high quality" to mean just about anything, so make sure you ask for the true specifications. An inch or so of low quality foam is generally permissible (and typically found in the quilt layer), but anything more than that and it's a riskier proposition and prone to premature "flattening" or loss of comfort. If you're looking at polyfoam as a support system then you'll want at least a 1.8lb/pcf foam, or 2.0lb/pcf foam or greater if you're a heavier individual.
• Memory foam: Or viscoelastic foam. This is quite comfortable, but can have issues with heat retention. Like with polyfoam, lower density layers are typically lower quality. However, with memory foam a lower density foam can also mean that it's slightly cooler, as less dense materials have more air and thereby airflow. Further, there are some new lower density memory foam variants on the market (HyPURgel, Serene Foam, CopperFlex) that are reportedly durable despite low densities. But generally, 3.0lb/pcf or less is low quality; 4.0lb/pcf is a medium quality; and 5.0lb/pcf or higher is high quality. Tempurpedic formerly used 5.0lb/pcf (or even 5.3lb/pcf) foams exclusively, but now they're experimenting with some less dense foams. I should also state that with many (though not all) memory foams, a higher density can also mean a firmer feel.
• Latex foam: Pretty much durable across the board regardless of density, with the proviso that very very soft latex (about 18 ILD or less) can be less durable for persons with heavier body weights. There are also reported issues with synthetic vs organic latex, but I don't have firsthand experience there. I've never seen latex wear out to any significant degree. There are even posts online about folks using latex beds for 40 years!

​
And what are quality spring systems? This is slightly more complicated. There are a lot of spring systems and it's difficult to predict how they will interact with the comfort layers and your body type. Unlike foam layers, almost all of these are considered very durable as most use steel or titanium components. However, low coil count units can still provide inadequate support despite the quality of their material components. As a rule of thumb, check the manufacturer's website (typically Leggett and Platt) for that particular coil unit and ensure that the count is on the medium to high end for said unit.

• Bonnell Coils: The most basic coil system used today and has been around for 100 years. Simple, hourglass-shaped springs tied together. These provide low conformability but solid support. Often used in cheaper mattresses, although can be used in very high end ones as well. Coil counts are typically in the 300-500 range for a queen size. Example: https://beddingcomponents.com/everflex-bonnell
• Alternating Coils: The middle ground. These are tied spring systems with modifications made to provide a moderate amount of conformability. There are many different names for variations of this style of system (Verticoil, Luraflex, Hingeflex, Knotted Offset), but these all work on similar principles. Coil counts range from 300's-800's depending on the system used. Example: https://beddingcomponents.com/verticoil-edge
• Pocketed Coils: Patented by Beautyrest, but now available broadly for all mattress companies. These are individually pocketed coils that work almost independently of one another (I say almost, because most are still connected by joined fabric). These can provide low or high conformability depending on their individual gauge (or coil thickness) and the firmness of the foam materials above them. Softer foam materials allow for more independent conformation, while stiff foam materials "link" the coils similar to helical coils in a tied system and can provide firm support. I generally like pocketed coils, but many of the S-brand models that use pocketed coils aren't using quality foams above the coils and can quickly lose comfort and support. Coil counts range from 500's-1000's for a queen, although this varies depending on coil gauge and the possible inclusion of narrower "Quantum" coils. Examples: https://beddingcomponents.com/combi-zone
• A word on coil gauge: The coil gauge of a particular unit is a measure of its thickness (and thereby firmness). Lower numbers mean a thicker coil. Generally, a 13 gauge coil (read: thicker) is a very stiff coil and best suited to larger body types while a 15 gauge coil (read: thinner) is softer and better suited to smaller body types. Still, the way these coils are arranged in the mattress means a lot. For instance, a 13 gauge alternating coil can still be made to provide soft support if combined with soft comfort materials, and a 15 gauge pocketed coil system can still be made to provide firm support if combined with firm comfort materials.

​
So it's as easy as finding an adequate support unit and high quality foams, right? Well, no. And this is the maddening thing about finding a mattress, but... quality does not always mean comfort. Quality certainly suggests comfort, but it doesn't guarantee it. Many online mattresses are built from quality, durable materials (it's how they convince you to make that purchase sight unseen), but that doesn't mean they will be comfortable for you. Quality is easy and comfort is complicated. What you want to do is find something that's comfortable for you AND has quality materials. Which is harder than it sounds...
​
What if I buy a mattress made of lower quality materials? Or, in other words, what if I buy an "S-brand" mattress? This is a riskier proposition, but one that I totally understand. I've lived in places where my only options were buying sight unseen from the internet or buying an "S -brand" bed of potentially unknown materials.* While S-brand's spring systems are generally solid, most of their comfort materials are on the lower range (1.0-1.5lb/pcf polyfoams; or < 4.0lb/pcf memory foams) and will quickly develop a "thinner and flatter" feel within a few months. If the mattress you're buying is a pillowtop, then this breaking in process can feel like a rapid loss of support and lead to an uncomfortable "sink" in the middle of the bed. Conversely, rapid softening of the comfort materials can also allow you to engage with the support system more easily and thus increase the support of the mattress. So it's complicated. I would generally avoid S-brands if you can.
*And if you want to peek at the S-brand materials, try this website: https://www.jordans.com/content/sleep-lab/about-our-brands/jordans-mattress-factory. For some reason, they disclose the rather sub-optimal foam densities of the major manufacturers. Also the sub-optimal foam densities of their own beds...
​
Why do the big brands use lower quality materials? I don't really know. I suspect this is due to cost-cutting and an attempt to maximize profits with repeat mattress purchases. It could also be due to market testing and the fact that denser, higher quality foams have a longer "break-in" and feel stiffer in a showroom? Or possibly due to the increased "tackiness" and friction of higher quality foams impeding the body's push through the comfort materials (something you'll notice if you order a little foam yourself and play around with it)? I just don't know. I want to say it's just greed, but it could be due to nuanced engineering that I don't completely understand.
​
What about cooling technologies? Should I pay for somnigel with cloudburst technology? Ugh. This is mostly marketing. Cooling technologies can provide some benefit, but this is typically short-lived and lasts only a few hours (although a significant amount of phase-change material is possibly the one exception here and stands on firm physical/chemical principles). You're better off keeping your bedroom cool with air-conditioning or looking at a mattress with a spring system for increased airflow. Otherwise, diamond-dust? High molecular weight yarn? Gel? Whatever, it doesn't really do much.
​
Okay but seriously what's the coolest mattress? I mean, the coolest mattress is probably the one you're on because you're a cool person. Okay sorry. What matters here is airflow. The coolest mattress will be the one that maximizes airflow through the base and comfort materials. Latex and polyfoam both have relatively large open-celled structures and do a reasonable job of allowing airflow for comfort materials. Memory foam is a mixed bag. Older, denser memory foams were notoriously bad with airflow due to the cell structure and the overall enveloping feel of the bed. People would sink deeply into this old style memory foam and create a sort of petrochemical cocoon of poorly breathable material and then wake up covered in sweat. Some newer memory foams do have larger cell structures and do a better job with airflow, but this isn't well advertised and it can be tough to know if the memory foam you're looking at will breathe or not. So there is a trade-off. As for base materials... springs will generally be the best for airflow. I mean, they are 99% air by volume.
​
Do I need a boxspring? Maybe. Although I would point out that there are few true boxsprings nowadays. Most are instead wood or wire grid foundations with no actual springs in them. Neither are truly necessary as most mattress do well on a totally flat foundation (like plywood or the floor), but these wood or wire grid foundations can actually soften the feel of a bed just a touch in my experience. Particularly so on a pocketed coil mattress. Whether this is good or bad is up to you. Generally, most wire grid foundations provide sufficient support, although there's so much variance in these frames that it's possible there are some lower quality systems out there. If you're considering a wooden slatted foundation, then I'd recommend looking at slats at least two inches wide and not more than three inches apart. Some mattresses can still do well if these slats are further apart, but most foam mattresses need the consistent support of closely spaced slats. Finally, you can also place 3/4" plywood or a bunkie board to convert a bedframe into a flat foundation. You should also know that placing your mattress on a flat foundation like plywood (or even the floor) can diminish airflow and lead to the development of mold, although I have never had this problem personally.
​
My mattress is bowing in the middle. What should I do? This isn't ideal. I would suspect that this is due to softening of low quality comfort materials. My first bit of advice would be to place it on a firmer surface (either a flat foundation or the floor) and see if that helps. If not, then you might try to place a small cardboard "shim" under the middle of the bed. A durable cardboard sheet will be about a 1/4 inch in thickness and can provide a surprising amount of zoned support to that area. Still doesn't help? Well, you can always deconstruct the mattress and replace the comfort materials. Chances are the support materials are still good, so if you strip the existing comfort materials and replace those, you might have a brand new mattress. If not... well, then at least you've tried.
​
What about this new bed in a box online? I don't even know. I'm very very tired of the online mattress game. They all promise the best sleep ever and... I just don't think that most deliver on that. Further, if the bed doesn't work for you then there's a good chance it could wind up in a landfill. And many online reviewers are little more than online salespeople with almost every mattress getting a 4 or 5 star review. I'm sick of the whole thing to be honest. If you find one you're interested in, then great! Evaluate it like any other bed, but be aware if it doesn't work it may not get "recycled" like the company promises. Again, it's entirely possible an online mattress could be a great fit for you, but it's a shot in the dark unless you can try it first. And if you want us to take a look and help you make a decision, please provide the relevant specs via the foam densities and coil unit/gauge.
​
So how do I put this all together? Good question. Let's take a look at a few examples.

• First, an S-brand mattress via the Sealy Nashua Plush: https://www.jordans.com/product/mattresses/sealy--nashua-plush-mattress-seal-70086. Let's look at the relevant specs starting with the comfort materials. Here we have 4.5 inches of low to very low quality polyfoam (1.1-1.2lb/pcf) with a half inch layer of a low quality memory foam (2.5b/pcf) for zoned support. And the support system? 911 pocketed coils without zoned support. If you can't tell, I'm not very impressed with this mattress. I'd rate this as a very risky proposition with a high likelihood or premature failure due to the excessive amount of low quality comfort materials. The one plus in my opinion would be the zoned support provided by the memory foam, but that's just personal taste on my part.
• Now let's look at a similar product from Beautyrest in the new Silver Plush: https://www.jordans.com/product/mattresses/beautyrest--drifton-plush-mattress-simm-80166. Here, we have similar foam densities (1.0-1.2lb/pcf), but less overall foam at only 2.75 inches. And we also have a similar zoned support system with a memory foam band (at 3.4lb/pcf) and a similar number of overall coils. While I'd still rate this a risky proposition, this has less overall low quality foam and might be a better candidate to augment with a topper of your choice. Still, I'd much prefer higher quality foams for a bed like this. My folks have a 10 year old entry level Beautyrest that's way more comfortable than anything in recent years, and I can't help but wonder if that's just due to the changes in foam quality.
• And now let's take a look at a random mattress maker I found years ago via Capitol Bedding: https://capitolbedding.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Classic-Tradition-Comfort-Plush.pdf. I have zero affiliation with this company, I just like how they disclose the specifications and densities of almost all of their materials (with the exception of the gel foam, oddly). And as you can see... it's better across the board. The polyfoams are 1.5-1.8lb/pcf density and the spring system is on the high end for that particular coil unit at 805 coils. This is a much higher quality mattress, but keep in mind that quality does not always mean comfort!
• Finally, here's a retailer of foam mattresses that I quite like: https://www.comfortoption.com/mattress-engineering. The link above is their explanation of foam/density and quality, which I think is informative and well-written. Their Custom Mattress options use very high quality foams with a base foam that's greater than 2lbs/pcf, and they also have the additional option of customization down the line. The only caveat is likely that the CopperFlex memory foam is likely not as durable as the other materials due to it's relatively low density, but I've also seen this debated amongst manufacturers. And it is also easily replaceable should it fail down the line.

​
Do mattresses have a break-in period? Yes. But this is poorly understood by most salespeople and may not have been well explained to you. Both polyfoam and memory foam are a bit stiff starting out. This "false firmness" (a term I believe coined by Phoenix on the Mattress Underground) can take a week or two to relax, after which you'll get the true foam feel of the bed. However, a mattress break in isn't just in the foam layers. Over a few weeks, the fabric and stitching of the mattress will also start to relax. The combination of these two processes typically leads to a softer feel within a 30 day period, although with some mattresses (particularly those with very very firm support systems) a softening of the upper comfort materials can actually make the mattress feel harder as you contact the support system sooner. Sound complicated? It is, unfortunately. I should also mention that, in my experience, most coil systems will relax very very slightly after a few months of use, although this is debated within the industry.
​
Do I have a break-in period? You do. This is the period in which your body loses it's "learned alignment" (again, a term I believe coined by Phoenix on the Mattress Underground) and adjusts to a new mattress. This learned alignment is probably the learned resting muscle tone of the muscles in your back and spine. Over time, these muscles learn to relax on a new sleep surface and you begin to sleep more deeply. There's no way that I know of to speed this process up, although heavy exercise or yoga could certainly help. You could also just try a new mattress that's very similar to your old mattress.
​
Should I purchase an all latex bed? This is complicated. Latex is supremely durable (and for some, supremely comfortable), but it is a *very* distinct feel and not for everyone. As such, it's difficult for me to make an off the cuff recommendation for latex because of its unique properties. For a bit of education, there are two large categories of latex: that created with the Talalay process and that created with the Dunlop process. Each type also has a unique feel. I personally prefer Dunlop latex, but I think I'm in the minority here. Others have also claimed that Talalay is generally superior and more durable, but I've not seen evidence for this. If you're interested in latex try to find a store wherein you can lay down and try it first. That said, if you like it then bam! You've got a mattress that could last 20 years.
​
How do I make a mattress softer? This is easy. You can soften a mattress by making sure it's broken in, adding a topper, or by placing it on a proper foundation. Gently walking on a mattress can speed the break-in process, but I'd take care not to jump or be too aggressive if you're a heavier person. Adding a topper is the tried and true method, but be aware that certain intangible factors related to your topper can make a big difference in how it feels on your mattress. A too thick topper can throw your body out of alignment, and sometimes high quality toppers can "drag" on the quilt of your mattress creating an odd "firmer" feel due to the friction of these materials working together. Lastly, adding a semiflex foundation (the typical wire grid) or an actual working boxspring can actually soften your mattress slightly. All of these are worth a shot if your bed is too firm.
​
How do I make a mattress firmer? This is difficult. The method I recommend most is to take the mattress off of your current foundation and put it on the floor. The flat, firm surface of the floor can make a bed slightly firmer. You might also try a firm topper, but in my experience layering a firm topper over soft materials creates an odd feeling that I don't like. Still, some people have success with this method.
​
What about a mattress for heavier people? Great question. A heavier person is going to increase the stress they put on a mattress, so the best way to find a mattress that will last is to find one made with the highest quality materials. Again, this means high density foams and relatively high coil count units (depending on the coil system used). Let's take a look at a few examples:

• The Therapedic Medicoil Line is a great place to start: https://www.matt-to-go.com/HD_Karolyn.html. I have zero affiliation with this company, but I've chatted with the owner many times and he's one of the kindest in the business. This particular mattress is also built from exceptional materials and has what is supposedly the most durable coil system in the business.
• STLBeds has the same lineup from Therapedic (and I think built from the same factory): https://www.stlbeds.com/product/medicoil-hd-2000-mattress/. There are subtle variations between these models, but again we have high density comfort materials and the same rock solid support system.
• And... Saatva just released their own Medicoil style bed in the Saatva HD. Same Hinge-Flex coil unit as above and very similar construction. Chattam and Wells has one as well on US-Mattress. I say this not to advertise for these companies (or any), but to show you that this style of construction is incredibly durable.
• Big Fig is an online mattress company that delivers a high quality product: https://www.bigfigmattress.com/the-big-fig. It's similar in construction to the Medicoil line with latex and high-density polyfoam, but the Big Fig uses a pocketed coil support system. Still, it has an exceptionally high coil count for a given size. However! I'd still strongly recommend that someone try local stores before buying from an online company as a mattress "return" for many of these companies just means a spot in the landfill.
• There's also the Titan by Brooklyn Bedding, although details here are a little scarce: https://titanmattress.com/products/mattresses/titan/. Their Titanflex foam is a very high density polyfoam, but I can't find the details for the other foams used in the mattress. Still, Brooklyn has brick and mortar stores that would allow you to try the mattress before you purchase it. I'd rank this below the other listed examples, although I typically like Brooklyn better than most other online retailers.
• WinkBed also has an HD option which uses high-density polyfoam and latex over a zoned coil system: https://www.winkbeds.com/pages/shop-winkbed.
• You could also consider an all latex mattress. Latex is a supremely durable material, although it has a distinct feel that doesn't work for all sleepers. An all latex bed would also allow you to customize one side of the mattress versus the other.

​
Hey wait what about us skinny/light/small people?! I hear you. If you're very light or very thin, you're going to run into your own set of problems with beds. Namely, that medium or firm mattresses might feel firm to very firm, but plush mattresses designed for heavy people can feel "floaty" and lack support due to excessive comfort materials. I can commiserate. And while I can't tell you exactly what mattress will feel best to you, I can tell you that you'll probably want a softer coil (either an alternating coil system or a pocketed coil with a gauge around 15) with 3-5 inches of quality comfort material. High quality foams are still important here, although you'll probably get slightly more life out of low quality foams than a heavier person. Still, if you ignore quality entirely and buy a pillowtop pile of sink from Sealy you're probably gonna have a bad time. Too much foam won't allow you to contact the support layer correctly, and poor quality foam will soften in the middle resulting in... a hammock. No bueno.
​
Ooof, I've got upper back/shoulder pain... what should I do? This is usually a sign that you are side sleeping on a too firm mattress. Luckily for you, it's fairly easy to soften a bed. You can try a soft topper (update: I now recommend soft Serene Foam almost exclusively) and see if that helps. Although as I've said previously, sometimes toppers can have unanticipated effects on a mattress and you may need to play around with different toppers to get the right comfort and support. You could also try switching to a semiflex foundation (i.e. a wire grid). This will allow the slightest amount of "flex" (hence the name) between the wire grid and can soften the "hard end point" feeling on your shoulder. Finally, you can actually try placing another layer of foam underneath the mattress. If there's no base foam on your coil unit, then placing a layer of firm-ish foam underneath the mattress can also soften the mattress slightly by providing more transition between the springs and the ultimate unyielding surface in your foundation/ground/whatever.
​
Ooof, I meant I've got low back pain... what should I do? Ah okay. This is usually a sign that your mattress is too soft and is sinking underneath your hips. I discussed this in the "my mattress is bowing in the middle" section of the FAQ, but I'll give you quick recap here. You can try placing the mattress on a firm, flat surface (like the ground) to see if that helps. Beyond that, you might try a custom "zoning" of your mattress by placing 1/2" firm foam or a 1/4' cardboard shim underneath the middle third of the mattress. This will provide slightly more support to that area and accomplish a similar thing to the "belly bands" used for zoning by some manufacturers. If these don't work? You might be out of luck. There are other means of custom zoning (like placing foam rods within the spring section of a mattress), but I'm not experienced enough with this methods to make a serious recommendation here. You might just need a different mattress or a more supportive spring system.
​
Darn it, I just can't find a mattress that works! What should I do? If this is the case, then you might consider a modular mattress design. I think highly of this general approach, as it allows the user to open the cover and customize the mattress materials to find a configuration that works for them. This is commonly done with latex mattresses, but is growing more common with other materials as well. Below are a few examples that are built with high quality materials. Like with any recommendation, I have zero affiliation with these companies, but I've talked to them on the phone and think highly of their business and approach to mattresses.

• https://www.tochta.com/product/divini-mattress/. This is a custom poly/memory foam mattress made with a 4lb memory foam comfort layer and variable slabs of high density polyfoam in different firmnesses underneath. I find that polyfoam allows for more "passage through" the comfort materials and allows for better alignment for side sleepers than latex. Of course, this is only my opinion. Different people feel differently about different mattresses.
• https://www.comfortoption.com/. I mentioned Comfort Option above and don't want to belabor the point here. But their Custom Mattress options use durable materials and are spec'd to last many years.
• https://www.sleepez.com/. SleepEZ offers a custom latex product with variable firmnesses to choose from. Truly easy to assemble, but be aware that latex is a distinct feel and I'd advise you to try it first.
• https://www.bedgear.com/m3-mattress.html. BedGear just released this mattress, which I think is quite interesting. It uses a Foam/Microcoil/Latex comfort layer that's individually encased over spring systems that can be removed and switched depending on your desired firmness. Really interesting here, although I can't get many details on the specifics of the components, so I can't recommend it outright.
• And then there's the classic https://diymattress.net/. They offer two high quality spring systems, as well as latex and polyfoam support layers. However, they only offer latex as comfort layers. I do wish they'd diversify their options somewhat and offer some polyfoam comfort layers, but that would make the overall build process more complex.

​
How do I get the best price on a mattress? There's an art to this, but it generally comes down to comparison shopping. Ignore the name of the mattress and learn the specifics in terms of foam layers and mattress height. Then check online retailers for the same model and the same specs. If it's a big brand, then this will be the same mattress. I would add that using Google Shopping can sometimes reveal smaller stores that will carry a mattress at very very low prices, so that might be a useful place to search as well. Then approach your preferred retailer with an educated understanding of what the price of the mattress should be and ask if they will price match other stores. Most will do so. Still, I'd ask that you remember that brick and mortar stores have their own overhead to pay, so their prices may be slightly higher than an online retailer selling from a warehouse. I'll leave the ethics of purchasing locally vs purchasing on the internet to you.
​
And... I'm exhausted. That's a start at least. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or have data to back up specific points. I've been meaning to check a few foam suppliers websites for material sheets regarding durability and density, but likely won't have time for that today!
Edit: Added a few examples, cleaned up a few typos, and clarified a few points. And if you're interested in peaking at some material data sheets on various foams (as well as a seller's estimate of their lifespan and durability) take a look here: https://www.foambymail.com/poly-foam-sheet.html.